The Bad Boy and The Innocent

Chapter 19

This is a continuation of Chapter 18
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Joshua's POV

I checked in her pillow and there it is her letter.

"Oppa! Im really sorry. I cant take it anymore. Every night it haunts me. Even when I close my eyes. I always hear it. Im sorry for being ugly. Your the best brother anyone could have but you were given a ugly little sister. Thank you for everything. I know you work hard so that you could buy me a dress. The dress is really pretty! And  I saw your diary oppa, dont beat yourself for not protecting me. You were always there for me. I was the one who should be sorry. Im really sorry oppa. I need to overdose myself so that I can die painless. Every morning I always wake up with a smile for you not to worry about me. Also for mom, you'll have another sister and she's pretty I can say not like me, I'm a disgusting child. I have scars that cannot be hide or bruises all around my body. My wounds aren't healed yet even the wound in my heart but when you smile I'm okay. You are the best oppa! I bet all the girls in school is jealous of me for having you as my brother. I promise when I touch the sky I'll tell it to you. Oppa dont get mad okay? Now that I'll be gone you'll be stress free, and away from worrying too much. I hope to see you again soon, Oppa. I'll always look after you, this time I'll be the one to protect you. Please tell mommy that I love her and she's the best mom I could ever have. And tell our little sister that I love her even when she isn't born yet. Good night oppa, I'll see you soon okay? Love you :)

P.S: I'll never let go.... just as promise

Love,
Your little pumpkin Jean

After I read it I was crying really hard. All this time she hide it, all this time she endure the pain. All this time my sister kept it away from me and mom so that we wont be worrying over her. She kept it because she feels that she is just a burden. All this time, she's killing herself silently wishing that will take away the pain. All this time I was blinded with her smile to even check her. All this time she's alone. But why didn't she just tell me? Why didn't she just ask for my help? She knows I'll give up everything for her.

*ring ring*
*ring ring*

Our phone rang. I quickly answered it wishing it will give me some good news.

"Hello?" I said.
"Joshua...." that's all it took for me. I drop the call as I went to the hospital with just a shirt and a pajama. I drove real fast. And I reach the hospital. I look for Jean and mom.

"Sir follow me" the nurse said as she stands up to her sit.

We walked past the doors and reach a room with a open wide door.

"Hm.. there... is your sister" she said. As she points to the room.

I went inside as I hear little sobs.

"Jean?" I called but no answer.
"Jean?" I called again.

"Son.. she... she...'s go..ne" my mom tried to say as another fresh tears were falling from her eyes.

"Jean? Ireona! Oppa is here already" I said as I hold her once warm hands.
"Jean wake up please..." I pleaded to her now cold body.
"Jean wake up oppa is here" I said again.

"Joshua stop" my mon said.
"No mom she's just sleeping" I answered back.
"Jean ireona" I said as I tried not to break down. But I cant. I cant process anything. My tears started to flow in my eyes and fall.

It took me a good 1 week to process everything. Jean was no longer with me. She suffer from a trauma. She suffer a lot. And I didnit protect her. Mom arrange everything. And now her burial day comes. And I'm still not in my sanity. Every night I always check her room. Thinking of her that she is fast asleep in her bed. Every morning I 'll check again to see the bed is still in the same place. Its really hard. Sometimes I sleep but I'll put her shirt in my bed so that I know she's there even if in reality its empty. Its just a shirt.