Blood Ties, Breath Secrets

Chapter Nine

John was panicking, beads of sweat forming on his forehead as he stared at his computer screen. He needed to talk to someone about what he'd done.

Not Dave. Duh. Not Karkat- also duh. Rose was mad, so that meant Kanaya would be too. The thought of messaging Terezi or Gamzee was laughable. Nepeta was sweet, but he didn't really trust her enough. That left...

EB: vriska? vriska, i messed up.

He waited anxiously for her reply. Thankfully, he didn't have to wait long.

AG: what do you mean? what did you do? cant be that 8ad

EB: i kissed dave.

AG: wow, i take it back that is 8ad

EB: i know. he knows. we messed everything up.

AG: you sure did
AG: i'm not even sure i can help you on this one

EB: please vriska! you're my only hope!!

AG: are you quoting star wars at me
AG: nevermind. just tell me the how this kiss occured.

EB: i was sleeping over at dave's house and we were sharing a bed i was asleep but when i woke up i saw dave and i didnt think i just kissed him and he kissed me back and we kissed for hours and then rose saw and i really f-ed up vris

AG: you got that right
AG: does karkat know?

EB: no... neither does jade. not yet. 

AG: well youll have to tell them at some point. what are you gonna say? thats the important part here

EB: the truth, i guess. what else can i say?

AG: ........true. but the truth isnt gonna make him any less mad that you kissed his ex
AG: did you think of karkat at all when you were kissing dave?

EB: no, not really. i was so tired i wasn't thinking clearly- i just saw dave and saw how he was looking at me and all i thought was how badly i wanted him
EB: now the thought of kissing him makes my stomach hurt

AG: that doesnt help dave at all but it might help you
AG: that you werent totally awake and aware of what you were doing
AG: makes you sound like an a-hole but its something ::::)

EB: god, i just really hate myself right now.

AG: i know john
AG: you did a 8ad thing
AG: but it doesnt mean everything is over now. karkat really really likes you. 

EB: i think thats the problem here. because i really like him too. 

AG: well, you might have ruined it
AG: but youre the optimist not me

EB: i don't feel very optimistic right now.

AG: me neither
AG: right now you just have to go tell him. all of it. be honest.
AG: and hope for the 8est

EB: thanks, vris

AG: and dont pester him! do it in person otherwise youre 8eing a butthole

EB: okay. i'm gonna go now

AG: good luck ::::)

John put his head in his hands, trying to stop himself from crying. He didn't want to face Karkat and face what he'd done. He couldn't bear to imagine the look on his face when he told them the truth.

He had ruined everything. 

EB: hey karkat! can we meet up somewhere?

CG: ALRIGHT
CG: WHERE

EB: idk. up to you!

CG: GRATER'S IS NICE
CG: THEIR FOOD DOESNT MAKE ME WANT TO KILL MYSELF AND EVERYONE AROUND ME

EB: holy s--t, that's a high compliment from you.
EB: i'll leave now. seeya soon.

CG: SEEYA

When Karkat signed off, John saw his hands were shaking. 

And they didn't stop shaking all the way there.

When he arrived, Karkat was already lounging in a chair licking a cone of bloodred ice cream that stained his mouth red. He smiled shyly and waved at John, pointing to a chair next to him. John twisted his face into what he hoped looked normal.

"Dude, are you okay?" Karkat asked. "You look like you really need to s--t."

John laughed, but it trailed off quickly when he saw the serious look on Karkat's face. "Seriously, what's wrong? You look terrible- all pale and shakey. What happened?"

He sat down, his legs feeling like jelly and his stomach curled in a knot. "Karkat... I have something to tell you. And it isn't very good."

He raised one reddish eyebrow quizzically. "Yeah? What is it? Must be pretty bad if you look so awful."

"I..."

"I kissed Dave."

"You did what?" He cried angrily, his handsome face twisting with anger. "Is this a joke?"

John shook his head. "Can you just let me explain?"

"What's there to explain?" Karkat growled. "You just told me everything I need to know. I really thought you were better, John. I thought you were better than this."

He turned away in disgust, hands curling into fists. "I'm going to go, John. I need to calm myself down. Maybe later we can talk about this- but somehow, I doubt it,"

"Karkat, wait!" he cried out desperately, reaching for him as he started to walk out the door. "We need to talk about this!"

"I don't need to do anything you ask. You don't deserve my time." Karkat hissed. "You don't deserve anything."

John tried to speak, but he couldn't find any words. Because he knew in the end... Karkat was right. He didn't deserve anything.

Especially not him. 

John sat in the chair alone, looking at the drops of red ice cream on the clean white table. People came and went all around him but he didn't notice a single one. John Egbert was lost in his own thoughts, trying to figure how to get himself out of this mess.