Blood Ties, Breath Secrets

Chapter Sixteen

"And the obvious way to do that is by kissing my boyfriend." grumbled Karkat, clearly not moved by Dave's speech.

"Boyfriend?" asked Dave, red eyes wide. Their color matched Karkat's perfectly.

Karkat turned away, back hunched. "We haven't officially ended things. No matter how angry I am, I still... I still hope we can fix things. John is..."

He sighed loudly, voice sounding raw with emotion as he spoke. "John is wonderful. He's so sweet, funny and kind. He makes me happy- he has beautiful blue eyes- I just want to hug him and hold him forever. John is a huge dork and a huge idiot sometimes, but that's what I like about him."

"I want him, Dave." said Karkat. "I want him so badly."

"I know there's a but in there somewhere." Dave urged.

"But... he hurt me! I didn't think he could, and he did. He betrayed me- and he did it with you. Like rubbing salt on an open wound. I don't trust him anymore. I need to have someone who I can trust."

Dave cautiously put a hand on Karkat's shoulder, turning him so that he could clearly see his face. "You can trust John. He's the most trustworthy person I've ever met."

Karkat arched one red eyebrow in disbelief. "Dave, he kissed you."

Dave turned away suddenly, realizing that there was more to the story that Karkat didn't know. "Yeah but... I don't think you should be so angry at John for it."

No longer angry, Karkat just sounded baffled when he asled, "Why is that?"

Guilt was heavy in his heart when he replied, "Because John was half asleep when he did it! He woke up- he saw me- and he wasn't even thinking about you because he didn't even realize he was dating you. John was one of those people who are so tired they act drunk. Act drunk and do dumb things."

"Like kiss their best friend?"

"Yeah, like that."

Karkat tilted his head slightly, looking at Dave in a way he hadn't before- probing his face for answers. "That does mix things up, doesn't it? Certainly goes a long way towards exonerating John. Of course, there's the question now of where that leaves you."

"Unlike him, I don't have any excuse. I knew about Jade. I was wide awake. I just-" He paused. "I just saw a cute boy wanting to kiss me and I realize I wanted to kiss him back."

"Hey." Karkat said suddenly in a calm, comforting voice. "Don't beat yourself up too badly. You did the right thing by telling me the truth."

"Right for you, maybe." grumbled Dave. "I just end up looking like a huge a-hole."

Karkat shrugged (in agreement?). "I look like a huge a-hole all the time. H-ll, I am a huge a-hole. But even a total jerk can do the right thing. Even a total jerk can fix things with the girl he loves." He stopped for a moment, looking at Dave suspiciously. "You do love her, right?"

"Of course!" he cried, sounding slightly offended. "God, Karkat, I love her more than anything."

"Sometimes love isn't enough." he said, his words suddenly chilly.

Yeah, this wasn't just going to be forgotten. Dave needed to fix this once and for all. He took Karkat's hands in his, holding tightly as he spoke.

"I loved you, Karkat. I loved you so much. But... I think in the end, I loved my bro more. Because he was my family, d--nit, and his opinion meant the world to me. So to hear such awful things come out of his mouth- things about me, and you, and us... it broke me inside."

Karkat was silent.

"I couldn't be with you if I was broken. I couldn't be with anyone. So I pushed it deep inside me and started something new, something with a girl. Something my bro would approve of. And I tried my hardest to just forget about you."

"But John... he reminded me. He reminded me of you- he acted like you, with his sweet dorkiness. And he brought you up, confronting me, making me remember. I'm grateful to John for letting me accept who I am- I have him to thank. I just regret that I didn't make things right with you until now."

"Can you forgive me, Karkat?" he pleaded. "Because I messed up. In a lot of ways."

Karkat titled his head, pondering the question. Then he held out his hand for a handshake.

"I forgive you, Dave. Let's fix this bulls--t."

Dave and Karkat shook hands. The agreement was sealed.

They were ready to fix things once and for all.