a messy canvas

Brave Soldier [Tronnor]

Trigger Warning: Mentions of suicide and (vague) tellings of dealing with depression. If there is anything else I should classify as triggering please let me know.

Two and a half years. That's the amount of time I gave to you, and within that time frame I had come to believe you were right all along, that the foul friends I'd wrongfully made were long gone. I was such a fool for you that I never noticed the signs until it was too late.

Why didn't you just tell me you were battling those same demons? I would've tried to help you like you helped me. Was I just not strong enough for you, was I just that same fragile boy from the start of our relationship who you didn't want to break?

I know I'll never know what was going through that pretty mind of yours, the same one that could bring tears to my eyes due to such meaningful lines, ones that told our stories of what felt like the makings of a lifetime.

I just wish that I could tell you I loved you one last time, that you were my saving grace and the kind of heaven that gods could never replicate.

Thinking of how the tables turned is really bittersweet. You saved a fragile boy who had taunting voices as his only companion from suicide those two and a half years ago by what I guess was fate. Now that time has come and gone, and the very soul wrecking friends I thought I had finally gotten out of my life, crept their way towards you instead.

You always called me your brave soldier, why that came to your wondrous mind I'll never truly understand. Thinking upon it now the name seems fitting, for trying to live without your presence is no doubt the toughest battle I've had to face.

As much as I would rather join the everlasting peace that is death with you, where our tainted souls could finally become whole I'll wait until my true dying day. All because I'll always remember what you told me, any time they brought me towards the edge of forever going away.

"Don't give it up just yet, stay grand."

I'll stay grand, be the living proof of the love you gave even if at the start I didn't think I was worthy of such. Even though you may be gone, I carry the part of you that can never be lost.

I'll never forget how shooting stars were your favorite sight to see. All I ask is that while I'm not beside you, when you cast your eyes upon them please think of me.

Forever your brave soldier,
Connor