a messy canvas

Identity [Phan]

When we first met, I thought of you as nothing more than another person I'd remember wanting to have a connection with. Only I couldn't allow myself to make it reality because it'd only hurt us both in the end.

With being in the foster system, the fairytale of getting a 'forever family' eventually loses it wonder. For me it took having who I thought was going to become my brother scream that I was merely a charity case, turns out slapping him across the face as tears were streaming down my cheeks wasn't the right way to handle the situation.

No matter the effort I put into resisting, you became my exception to the promise I made to never become attached when that family threw me back into the system without any sort of sadness in their eyes. That alone scared the living shit out of me, because no one in the years that past since then went to such measures in hopes of gaining any sort of relationship with me before.

We started off simple, because heaven knows I couldn't handle much more depth than that at the time.

In the span of a week I learned your answers to all the cliché questions. While I had simply told you when the opportunity came my responses to the same inquiries, your spark of creativity towards the task left me at a loss for words (in a good way).

When I opened my locker that Monday morning to get my history textbook, the last thing I expected to see sitting on top of it was a paper crane made out of a light pink post-it note. I had the intention of allowing the creation to stay in its glory, until I cast a glance onto the whole reason behind my visit to my locker. On the cover of the book there was another post-it, this one a mint green shade that had your handwriting across it.

Bring the crane to its demise (please) - Dan

Once I did as you asked (with a sad sigh seeing as I wasn't going to have the crane anymore) this is what you left for me to discover:

My favorite color is lavender.
Mint chocolate chip ice cream is the best and no one can tell me otherwise.
Although you've typically seen me wear flower crowns, beanies are <3 (Trust me, once it gets cold you'll probably get sick of seeing me in them everyday) - Dan

As the week progressed I was surprised by an array of creations you managed to bring to life with merely sticky notes. I have to say that Friday's findings (which happened to be hidden in the side pocket of my backpack) was my favorite, for you had taken the time to fold multiple notes into the loveliest of flowers. Thankfully you caught on to how gutted I became over dismantling the works, so I found the finale of facts surrounding yourself as a separate message I could stumble upon.

There's this place I found when I was about nine or ten. (It's a nice place..just to clarify) It's my private little hideaway from pressures the world gives and I want to to share it with you. If you're able to, wait for me outside the art room after school today and I'll be your guide. - Dan

I happily followed through with your request. As we grew comfortable within the secret sanitary (an abandoned garden which you took under your care ever since you stumbled upon it a few years back) all of my attention gravitated towards you. Even amongst the beauty you managed to bring back to life, the only thing I truly took in from that adventure was how beautiful of a person you were.

With the smears of vibrant paints all across your hands from a project you were currently working on to your muted yellow sweater that now had the sleeves rolled up to where they just covered your elbows, how could I possibly look away from such a lively masterpiece?