a messy canvas

Tally Marks [Phan]

They were from two utterly different worlds. While his best friend had mystical elements surrounding him every waking moment just waiting to spark his dazzling smile, he was trapped in the containments a broken household insinuated from the get go.

If Dan could somehow bring Phil out of the literal hell his home ensued, he would accomplish the task asked of him in a heartbeat. Only there was no such method he could endeavor to fulfill his soul wrenching wish.

When he found times particularly tough to endure, tally marks would find their way across various spaces on his left arm. This was his only grasp towards how real the problems weighing in on his clouded mind were. In those silly strokes on his skin from ballpoint pens came a sense of realization and perspective of what he had gone through by a day's conclusion.

Phil was never one to toss his troubles on to Dan, for the last thing he wanted to achieve was a tarnish in the bond they had together. Sure, he knew some aspects of what his parents put him through, like the slurred speech demanding more of the very toxicity that tainted their family's dynamic and the occasional slamming of language voicing their views on the very subjects that made Phil quake in fear over what could happen if one day he slipped up.

Never once though had he mentioned the tallies and the significance behind their messiness that came to his pale skin.

"Phil?" Dan spoke up during one of their routine FaceTime calls.

"Hmm?"

"How are you doing love?"

"I'm okay.." he responded, any sign of certainty snatched away by how long it took him to utter the two words.

"You have twelve tallies today." Dan murmured softly. "When we talked yesterday after school, you only had five."

"I uh..I'm sorry." Phil blurted out, unsure of how he was supposed to properly react to how calmly the statement Dan made came across. "I'll stop doing them.."

"No, it's okay honest." Dan immediately cleared up. "I just..I know how when the tallies come more often you're.."

"..going back to my bad headspace." Phil finished for him. "I really don't want to weigh all this on you Dan, you of all people don't deserve that."

"I can handle it, all I care about is that you're okay." Dan replied sincerely. "You can tell me, if you want to of course."

"Do you mind me thinking it over, it's not that I don't trust you..I'd put my life in your hands no question about it, it's just I have to think about how I'm going to say everything I want to tell you."

"Take all the time you need, I'll be ready to listen as soon as you are."

"A-Alright, thank you."

"It's okay."

"So um..how is your midterm project coming along?"

"It's going well actually.." Dan began, showcasing how the two were capable of going off such hard hitting topics to more simplistic matters with ease.

Twenty four hours had passed since the obvious spark of Dan's recognition towards the tallies across his skin. He had wanted to wait, just until all of the words were pieced together to his liking to where no misunderstanding could be reached. Only fate didn't grant Phil the luxurious opportunity that was time.