Trigger Warning: Tellings of depression and anxiety (very small but I thought I should mention them regardless.)
Dan hated this. The pressure to fulfill the expectations associated with this character was overwhelming. No one understood why he felt this way, to them he was simply the pretty boy whose purpose was to pull these stunning façades for the entertainment of the world. Like every other closing to one of the latest of his trademark performances (at the strike of two thirty in the morning to be exact), he was sulking in his own self pity over the matter in an extravagant hotel room fit for a king, not for some lousy actor like him.
His latest project is portraying a character by the name of Evan Monroe in Painted On, a novel adored by fans as a tale giving a true glimpse surrounding the impact of mental illness and how the stigma placed on it shouldn't exist to begin with. Seeing as Dan spoke occasionally on his own struggles with anxiety and depression, his management thought this role was a match made in heaven. The funny thing is even with the message given in this story and his own dealings with the topic, no one within his management circle seemed to care about the deeper meaning. What they only dwelled upon was how huge this blockbuster would be once it was released, so he had to put on a breathtaking performance.
What had truly thrown him towards his current state was the conversation shared with his manager mere hours before.
"What were you doing today Daniel, they had to explain the atmosphere of that scene five times to you before you got it right..are you trying to make us look bad here?"
"I was just having an off day Jack, I'll make up for it tomorrow." he had responded softly.
"Well these 'off days' are going to have to end understand me?" Jack remarked. "You should know by now how these productions work, you must be as efficient as a machine, there's practically no room for error!"
"I'm well aware of that, you've only engraved it in my mind since I've known you."
"Well then pretty boy, it's about time it sunk in."
"Understood."
"Great, now get some rest you look like you need it."
"You too." he had replied numbly as Jack left his client's room without another word seeing as his message seemed to get across.
Jack was known for acting this way when he was under a significant amount of stress, so it wasn't anything new for Dan. He understood where he was coming from, yet the words he spoke before seemed to have hit a nerve, bringing many questions of doubt into his mind.
Was he really making his team look bad for having a few off days recently?
Was he not doing enough, throwing the whole production off course just by his own mistakes?
Before he could delve deeper into his own self loathing ways, an all too familiar ringtone blared from his iPhone, signifying someone was calling him during these early hours of a Saturday.
"Hello?" he responded softly.
"Dan..I'm sorry if I woke you." His boyfriend, Phil spoke. "I..maybe now isn't the best time.."
"Phil it's alright, I wasn't asleep." Dan assured him. "Everything okay?"
"I had a nightmare and wanted to make sure you were alright, it sounds really stupid now that I say it out loud.." Phil admitted. "How's the movie going?"
"It's not stupid, I've done the same and it helps to make the nightmares have less of an effect on you..it's okay honestly." Dan responded. "It's going I suppose, I'm pulling through."
"I wish I could be there with you, so you wouldn't have to."
"Me too." Dan confessed. "Can I ask you something, and you be completely honest with me?"
"Now I really wish I was there, what's going on?"
"Do you think I'm cut out for this?"
"You adored the novel, fell in love with the script from the start, and nailed the portrayal of Evan from the start of your auditions." Phil declared. "You deserve that role because you worked your ass off for it."
"You're not just telling me that cause you're my boyfriend right?" Dan questioned, still unsure of himself.
"No of course not." Phil responded truthfully. "I'm telling you this because I mean it Dan, what's got you so on edge love?"
"I just don't feel like I'm good enough Phil, Jack was telling me off earlier.." Dan started to explain before Phil cut him off.
"I swear Jack never knows how his words affect people..if he keeps treating you like this I think you honestly should consider getting a new manager, this is the fourth time he's blown up on you in two weeks and that's just ridiculous."
"He's been stressed because of me Phil, you can't place all the blame on him."
"I don't care how stressed he is, you deserve to be treated right Dan!"
"He's a good guy who's been worried about his reputation because I'm not going to meet the management's let alone the world's idea of a perfect Evan Monroe and be the reason this film fails!" Dan blurted out.
"Just be the Evan Monroe you have created and if that doesn't make their hearts swell in pride over the passion you've poured into this then I don't know what will."
"T-Thank you Phil." Dan managed to get out, honestly left at a loss for words for a good fifteen seconds over his boyfriend's encouragement.
"It's okay, just keep in touch when you're able to, I'm more than happy to help you get your mind off this kind of stuff and on much more important things."
"Oh yeah, what important things am I missing out on then?"
"Like how over the course of the three weeks you've been away I've added four cacti to my wondrous collection."
"You and your bloody house plants.." Dan chuckled. "I really hate to do this, but in a couple hours I'm going to be right back on set.."
"Say no more, I understand the ways of the life of an actor..sweet dreams love."
"Sweet dreams Phil."
As he ended the call and was about to drown into the comforts of the duvet, his iPhone once again made its presence known with a simple ding.
You've got this. <3
The media knew him as the pretty boy who took the world by storm. To Philip Lester, he was so much more than that. That's all that really mattered in the eyes of Daniel Howell, for his significant other was the only one who truly knew the boy beneath the façade.
For the record, Painted On is just a story I made up for this one-shot, the storyline/character mentioned is of my own creation and if there happens to be a similar work out there I wasn't aware of such and it was purely a coincidence. (I'm sorry if this is annoying, I just would feel better putting this out there.)
