a messy canvas

Just Know [Tronnor]

Every move he made had second thoughts come that would choke Connor senseless. No matter what methods he used to try and ease their grip, the strength they had on him wouldn't falter in the slightest.

What always dwelled amongst the barriers of his mind was the inadequacy of how his time was spent. In all the movies and novels, the wallflower always reached this epiphany of throwing their usual tendencies away and instead made these memories containing parties and road trips that were romanticized in every measure. Connor knew they were taken to these extremes to draw people in, but for him they only set a sinking feeling through his stomach on how his nights of painting his daydreams and staring at his ceiling forming pretend constellations just weren't enough.

There was only one person who Connor could confide in that understood the extents of how intense the restlessness would greet him in the morning. Who just so happened to fit that mold was none other than his best friend Troye.

They've grown up attached at the hip, so it's no mystery as to how this shared understanding came to be formulated. The blurbs of uneasiness began when they were both about to be fourteen, which Connor to this day thought of as the wake up call of his childhood slipping away.

What struck a chord with him was how Troye had noticed the change in his demeanor almost immediately, which looking back on the conversation they had during its appearance at 3am showcased all too well how much Troye was going to impact his life.

While this existential tendencies were Connor's worst enemy, Troye's own were the loss of control that came with having panic attacks. They sprouted their place within the boy's pounding heart soon after he turned fifteen, when his older brother Steele insisted on picking up him and his sister Sage from school to be better prepared for his upcoming driving test. Troye could pass on all his thanks towards the reckless driver that missed them by the skin of their teeth for being the trigger towards igniting his first state of overbearing panic. Even though nearly three years have gone by since the event, the experience has left him too on edge to give his hand at learning to drive.

Troye will never forget the first time he tagged along with Connor, the newly licensed driver who insisted on getting them ice cream as form of celebration. He had been on edge of having an attack the entire way and instead of pressing on to the ice cream shop without voicing his concern, Connor had politely pulled over at a nearby gas station to ensure he was okay with going on. He knew in that talk shared he would forever be safe in Connor's hands.

Everyone has their troubles, no matter how extreme. They may leave you wondering how much one has been impacted, whether that be the result of witnessing a panic attack for the first time or when someone becomes too numb by the depths of the world to escape the comforts of their bedroom. Just know, every human has their struggle and you by all means should ensure they're okay when they need it most.