Mute |Shizaya| (Currently Editing)

Chapter 12 - Lost Letters of the Present

"Stop and listen. I bet you'll hear someone's desperate cry for help..."

July 31 10:34 P.M.

Letter #29

It's been a while since you have fallen into a coma. Almost a half a year, and I'm worrying for you. I know you might never read this, in fact, I don't expect you to, but if you do, I want you to know that I am so very sorry. If it weren't for me, you wouldn't be here, but since I wasn't there when you really needed me, your practically a dead man.

It's been almost half a year since that brute hasn't come. In fact, he hasn't come to visit you, not even once since you landed in the hospital. I do not have the energy to face him, I am to angry and I fear that I might do something I will regret later on, so I try not to face him, and he tries not to face me. It's been almost half a year since there has been an 'Iiiizzzzzzaaaaayyyyyaaaa-' in Ikebukero, and not many Vending Machines or garbage cans that have gone flying through the sky. Gangs have died down and not many things have been interesting for the past year. It's been almost half a year since someone has committed suicide, and it's been a while since you or Shizuo have come for my aid. It's been a long almost half a year, and without you, it seems even longer. It's too peaceful, I'm used to you causing trouble.

Word has spread around. People think you are hurt, some think that you are in hiding.... and some think you are dead. They aren't that far-fetched on that last one sadly, but it's life. I don't know what to do anymore now, I keep myself constantly busy so that I don't have to go home knowing that I did something wrong, and I'm helping more people so that they don't end up like you. I don't eat much, and I have become an insomniac. I've been researching ways that I could fix your Larynx space so that I won't kill you so I could give you an artificial one. So far nothing has helped me and I'm starting to loose hope.

Say Izaya, what does it feel like to be trapped in your own body, in your mind, and with your humanly emotions? Can you hear me talk to you when I tell you about my day? Can you hear me cry everything out when I manage to break down? Can you hear me when I get angry and start telling that faculty members have to rush in and tell me to be quiet? I'm sure you don't. I felt the need to ask, to keep us interacting. I don't want to loose my childhood friend again. Like I said before, it's awfully quiet without you. It's like a piece of me is missing, something I never knew was there. I never really knew you would impact me so much. I always thought we had an okay relationship, and that we weren't that close anymore, but once you landed up in that death room, I proved myself completely wrong.

What are you thinking now? If you read this, do you think I've gone insane? Am I sane? Have I broken down?

I don't know Orihara, but I hate you. I despise you so much. You make me feel this way, and you broke me. I have my beloved, but it seems that isn't enough anymore. It's funny cause when Kyohei, Shizuo, you and myself were in school, I guess you could call us a funny assortment of friends, and when Kadota landed in the hospital with a coma, I continued on with my life. When Shizuo landed in the hospital, I told myself he would be alright, but when you landed in here, I blamed myself and I admit it, I broke. I was sick with worry, and afraid to loose you. I hate you Orihara. I despise you. You are the worst.

I wonder how we will be when you wake up. If you do. Will you be the same person? No, probably not. You won't be able to speak, you would be a permanent mute. Then again, when you wake up, I'm sure you wouldn't even remember if you could speak, because the Doctor says that you might have given yourself permanent amnesia. What the hell were you thinking Orihara? What did you get yourself?