The Only Hope For Me Is You

Chapter 20

"Frannie...will you go to the dance with me?" he blurted out, his eyes cast down. He clenched his hands into fists.

What in the world!? My heart beat faster than the band Underoath's drummer in their song "Moving for the Sake of Motion." And that's saying a lot. That song is wicked.

I couldn't move. I couldn't talk. I couldn't even breathe. This was so sudden. A second ago we were talking about music, and he comes up with this? The dance is still about two weeks away! Why the rush to baffle me and utterly confuse me? Why ruin any chances of all of us trying to survive Andy Evan's cruelty?

Woah, woah, woah! Let me explain things a bit. I'm going to breathe and take a step back to the beginning. Rewind.

It had finally been Friday afternoon after such an endlessly long week. I finished detention yesterday with Gerard by folding and rearranging the hall monitor Marcos Sintes' laundry. How that isn't against the rules escapes me but I didn't protest. We actually enjoyed looking at his odd fashion sense,  Forever 21 tags everywhere. Marcos seemed sad when he bid us farewell when we were done with our jobs. I swear I thought I saw a tear but he quickly wiped it away.

"You know, I think he'll miss us." Gerard noticed. "He shouldn't worry though. We'll be back in less than a month."

I'll admit, I'll miss those alone moments with Gerard. They were fun and I'll never forget them. I learned so much about him this week because of detention. Now I have no other reason to talk to or spend quality time with him by ourselves.

So Friday afterschool, first afternoon free from responsibility and we, Gerard, Mikey, Frank, and I, decided to celebrate by going out for ice cream and then head to the park.  We threw the bikes on the grass when we reached it and raced to sit under the big sycamore tree in the middle of the park.  It was quiet and hot. Perfect weather for a treat like icecream.

By then I had made up my mind. I was going to Andy's party tomorrow no matter what. I can't take the risk of not knowing what he might do if I didn't show up. And added to that, I was more terribly afraid of what might happen if I didn't go than if I did. He might hurt us more when we're not in his favor. And they, my friends, don't even know whose side they are being unwillingly placed. You don't feed human meat to a cannibal, my grandma always said. Meaning, don't make the fire of a bad heart rise anymore that it should already be. But succumbing to his order and dominion sickens me. Why was I being brought to such a low state? These are, without a doubt, the pains of being a female.

I need to go. I need to know, to find out what my plan should be to get myself out of this situation. Because right now, I know absolutely nothing about any possible loopholes.

"Frannie, what kinda music do you listen to?" Mikey asked me in midlick of his chocolate chip cookie dough. I was brought back down to earth with his slurping sounds.

"I don't know. Anything really. I listen to just about every genre."

"Hmm, interesting. So then answer this: Eminem or Lil Wayne?" he asked.

"That's hard. Eminem shreds it, he's gotta be like the king of hip hop, but Lil Wayne is just so freakin cool, ya know? But then again, Eminem is white so...Lil Wayne, I choose you!"

"Frannie, you're white." Gerard said simply, as if the truth hurt.

"No I'm not! I'm Hispanic! I'm New Yorican, fool!" I laughed. "Que te pasa, canto'e anormal? Tu crees que tu sabes mas que yo, americano puerco? Callate la boca."

"I...didn't know you spoke spanish. That was freaky, Fran. Please don't do it again." Mikey said, giving me a weird look.

"Why do you think my last name is 'Fernandez'. It sure ain't Irish." I replied, biting into the cone.

"Fran, you gotta stop with the whole, "I'm smarter than thou" attitude. You're gonna get yourself into some pretty serious situations if you keep that up." Frank joked.

"I do not! I'm as dumb as you are!" I laughed and he playfully punched my shoulder, gently of course.

"Now, let's not talk about shitty hip hop. Let's get to the good stuff. Rock. What is the best rock band of all time?" Gerard asked.

"Led Zeppelin."

"Iron Maiden."

"Guns'n'Roses."

"The Runaways." I said. They all snorted and stared at me incredulously, wide-eyed.

"Are you kidding me?" Mikey asked.

"You're not serious?" asked Gerard.

"Will you go to the dance with me?" asked Frank. And so, we are back to the beginning. Now I hope you can see how strange and entirely unexpected this was. (By the way, I'm talking to the audience in my head that applauds for everything I do. So yeah, that means you little people, in there.) There we were, completely normal. And a minute later, incomprehensible awkwardness.

Mikey and Gerard both gave each other a look of confusion as their best friend just asked me out. I can see they hadn't expected that either. Maybe he hadn't told them. Mikey was just clueless. His eyebrows were scrunched up and half of his lip was raised as if asking a question. I didn't blame him.

I glanced at Gerard for the most part. What did he think of this? His very best friend hadn't told him this, and this is the way he finds out. But I'm not a guy, so maybe it's not that big of a deal for them. I tried to read some expression, some sign to show his inner thoughts and emotions but he was blank. It was his talent. To be able to become an unreadable mask so that nobody could find your weaknesses. But right now, I needed him to show me something. I needed him to show me a sign of life inside of that hard shell. What is he feeling? What is so important that he needs to hide? He is hiding something. Then there wouln't be a need for the empty expression. But absolutely nothing. Nothing.

I stared into Gerard's unbearably hazel eyes as I answered Frank's daring question. "Frank I-"