Pharaoh: It's All New to Me

Chapter Nineteen

They were rolling Mama G's body out of the hospital room when Dareus decided to stumble his way through the door. Yes, stumble. He was half ass drunk coming to see his mother. Right now, I'm honestly not even mad at him. The anger went away when Mama G passed, but seeing him right now... I'm more disappointed than ever. How could you let someone you love, someone who raised and provided for you sit in a hospital on their death bed while you go out and get wasted? I'm just not understanding his logic and I want an explanation. I just stared at him, burning holes into his back, until he turned and made eye contact with me. "Pha, I uh, I uh-"

"Save it. Step out into the hallway with me." We found a spot in the corner of the hallway. "Dareus, I want to be beyond pissed at you right now, but I can't. Mama G was in the hospital for nearly a week and no one told me? And then you avoided and ignored me? Then you have the audacity to stumble into her room at seven in the morning drunk? What the fuck has gotten into you? I'm disappointed Dareus."

"I couldn't tell you. You're out in Durham doing good things, I didn't want to stress you out. When things got really bad here, I gave the hospital your number and left. I couldn't handle the stress of seeing my ma like that. You have to see it my way too. My mom has done every fucking thing for me. How am I going to live without her? I couldn't handle it. I went and bought every bottle of brown liquor I could find and went to the lake. I nearly drank my life away out there these past two days. I threw my phone in the water. You wouldn't stop calling and I couldn't talk to you. Pharaoh, I almost drove me and my car into that water. I thought about ending myself because I don't know what I'm going to do without ma. Every decision I've made myself has made my life hell. Only good things came from ma. I'm shitty ass person and I can't do shit for myself." He shook his head and nearly collapsed to the floor. I sat next to him. He was a mess right now and I couldn't find words to say. He just needed someone and everyone he had was leaving. I wrapped him in my arms and rubbed his back.

"Dareus, you can't put yourself down like that. You're a good person, you just don't know how to go about things sometimes. You can do whatever you put your mind to, babe."

"No, you don't understand. Without my mom I'll do more stupid shit than I've already done. I lost you first, fucked with a hoe second, fell in love with a baby that isn't mine, I resorted to killing. I never killed a nigga before Terrell. I'm a full fledge drunk. I fucking thought about suicide, Pharaoh. I don't know what I'm doing with my life. All do is drink, smoke, fuck, and drink again. I hit a female multiple times. If ma knew about all this shit she'd kill me. I couldn't sit there while she died and know that if she knew what I was doing, I wouldn't be alive." He cried and by now I was crying with him. I just didn't know what could help him right now. Me being gone took away from us knowing things about each other. I never knew Dareus was an alcoholic. I never would have guessed, honestly. He likes to go out, yes. He drinks, yes. But I didn't think he depended on it.

"Dareus..."

"Hm?"

"Look at me." I picked his face up. "I'll help you. What ever you need." He shook his head no. "Yes, you can't refuse my help. You want rehab? Done. College? Done. Your own barber shop? Done. Tattoo parlor? Done. I'll help you D."

"I'm not going to depend on you. I depended on my mom all my life. I need to live on my own. I can start with rehab, but then I'm on my own. I haven't dug myself deep enough into a hole, so I'll survive."

"And, I can tell you're depressed. You need counseling, D. I know you want to do things yourself, but I'll even go with you if you choose to." He just nodded. I don't know what else I can do or say. He wants to do things for himself and learn to be on his own. I can't take that from him, but I really do just want to be there for him. I'll let him do him, and just be support. That's all I can do. That's all he'll let me do.

I wiped my tears and got up. "Come on. We can't stay here all day." I helped Dareus up and started to walk to Mama G's room. Dareus pulled me back though. "Yeah?"

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"Everything. I was dick to you before. I still hold a grudge for letting that nigga win. You were the love of my life Pharaoh. I just figured you'd always be there waiting for me when I was ready to settle down. You sure as hell proved me wrong. But if you're happy, I'm happy."

"I'm sorry, too. For dropping you when Zane came into the picture."

"You dropped me because I didn't except your relationship, though."

"Jut let me apologize, D." I laughed. He laughed too and put his hands up in surrender. I shook my head and started back for Mama G's room. I woke Zane up and told him it was time to leave.

My dad still didn't know I was here, and I figured it was time to tell him. First we had to pick up Aria and Q from the airport. She still didn't know Mama G had passed because she was on her plane and I couldn't contact her.

We waited outside for them and when they appeared, I gave them a weak smile. "Hey."

"Hi babe. Hey Zane." Aria said, not in her normal jolly tone though. Quvon gave me a head nod and Zane dap. They got in the car and I headed for my house. "We're going to your house and not the hospital?" Damn it. Aria and her curious mind. I wanted her to be settled in when I told her.

"Yeah. About that... Mama G passed this morning." I said quickly.

"She... She... What!? She's gone?"

"Yeah." I looked in my rear view mirror. Aria had already started crying.

"Oh..." She said nearly silent. This is definitely going to be a hard week.

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Short chapter, but a lot going on.

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