Let her shine(a jori story)

Chapter 20: I can forgive

Jade
My mom comes out of the bathroom and sits on the couch best to me. She takes a big breath and looks at me.
"Jade I think we need to talk about things,"she says and I cross my arms.
"Mom it's not a faze I love Tori, I've always been into girls I just really liked Beck so I didn't see the need to put my business for all to see,"I say giving her the famous Jade west glare.
"Honey calm down that's not what we need to sort out...who you date is your business well as long as the person isn't hurting you,"she says grabbing my hand,I let her take it and relax my face.
"Then what do you want to talk about mom?"I ask getting nervous.
"I want to apologize for not being the mother you needed."she says letting out a sigh,"I was never there for you and pushed you away....then after jasmine....I shut down I couldn't even look at you...you look so much like her, you know...sometimes i think your her and then I have to remember she's gone and your not a little girl anymore,"
I look at her and I have no idea what to say. I've never thought about her trying to talk to me about things like this, I assumed we would be distant forever.
"I was never a good mother to you....when you were born your father and I were on the edge of divorce but I couldn't leave him, not with a new baby and I think I resented you for that....I shouldn't have felt that way I was your mother but I pushed you away i buried myself in work and ignored your needs...do you know your first word was sis...not momma or dada...your sister would always be around you the nanny thought it was cute but it infuriates me for some reason. Then when you got older and Jasmine got with Charles ....and moved out I saw my out I could leave so I started getting things together and when you told me about what he was doing I didn't want to believe you, it would have caused me to once again put my life on hold,"she has tears falling from her eyes and I notice that I do as well. I've always known she didn't care for me hell growing up it was easy to see the only attention I got was when I was bad...so I turned into a hellion and that probably made her hate me even more.
"Mom,"I say but can't think of anything else, why should I comfort her when she's the one who's hurt me what did I ever do but want love like any normal child.
"Jade it's my fault your sister died, if I had listened to you...I just thought you were doing it for attention every time I talked to your sister she seemed fine,"she says and I don't know what possesses me but I move in and hug her. She runs a hand through my hair just like jasmine use to and I realize where my sister learned it, I grow slightly annoyed that my mother never did this for me before but I really just don't have it in me to be mad at her when she's this broken.
"I just don't understand how she could get with someone like that when she's seen your fathers temper,"she says softly.
"I don't know...I tried to save her,"I say,"but in the end it was her saving me like always,"
"I should have been a better mother to you both,"she says,"after Jasmine I should have stepped up but I didn't...and you didn't get the help you needed from that woman...,"
"It's okay mom I'm fine now,"I say softly. She moves and pulls me to look at her.
"I really did think that the hospital would help you...you were so upset all the time and no one could get through to you I honestly was scared of losing you to, so I sent you there, I just wanted you away from them...your father and her,"
"It did help in a way mom it made me stronger and made me see that I couldn't rely on anyone....I lived that way up until now...even with beck I didn't trust him I never let him in...that's why we broke up but then Tori came to the rescue. Tori saved me and while I'm still broken she is helping me learn to be happy again,"I say with a small smile.
"I'm glad she is there for you Jade,"she says,"is there anyway you can ever forgive me Jade...for not being the mother you needed, I know I can never make up for what happened but maybe we can start over now...I want to be there for you,"
I stand up and pace the room rubbing my arms and biting at my lip.
"I don't know if I will ever completely trust you but Tori has taught me that to be happy you need to let the past go and forgive people....if your willing to try and be my mom I'm willing to try and let you into my life." I finally say as I run a hand across my eyes.
She stands and pulls me into a big and we stand there like idiots crying together until i pull away.
"I have a play coming up maybe you could come and see it," I say and she smiles.
"I wouldn't miss it,"she says before walking away.
"So dinner with Tori tomorrow then,"I say and she turns back,"yes I'm actually excited to meet the girl who is helping you...who helped you to be able to forgive me,"
I'm on the steps and turn back before going into my room.
"Night mom,"I call out to her.
"Nigh Jade,"I hear as i close the door.