Just Gone

[3] Nightmares an' Scars

I knew where they kept the soap they used for laundry and was able to get to it easily. Once I had the soap in hand I snuck down to the quarry. I had to walk slowly because I couldn't see the path well in the dark.

At the shore of the water, I took my shirt off, welcoming the coolness of the air after the hot day. My throwing knife fell to the ground, I forgot that after leaving Merle and Daryl I had put it back into my sleeve. I rubbed the soap into the shirt and washed it the bet I could. When I was finished, my hands were numb from the cold water, and I was beginning to feel cold myself.

I squeezed as much water out of it as possible.

This was the worst part.

Putting the shirt on. Biting my lip, I did it, already shaking from the cold.

Stop being weak, it's just a little water, just a little cold. You'll be fine later, you always are.

I tucked the knife back into the tightness of the sleeve as I walked back to camp, and put the soap back where I found it. I approached the fire pit in the centre of the camp and sat on the ground, watching the dying embers. I brought my knees to my chest, wrapping my arms around them as I rested my head on my knees. I was really tired, but I didn't want to sleep. The reason I didn't sleep in the tent was because I was afraid of waking Officer Shane up. Back at home, I always woke Daddy up with my nightmares, he was always really mad. I didn't want to make anybody mad.

I was also afraid of him asking me questions I didn't want to answer.

I didn't know why I was running, or what from, I just knew I had to run. I felt scared, I couldn't breathe. Why was I so scared?

I heard the cracking, snapping sound as pain spread throughout my back. I cried out, falling to the forest floor.

Lying in the dirt and crying from the pain, I turned my head. I looked up to see Daddy standing over me, holding the belt over his shoulder.

But there was something wrong. His skin was darker, dull, almost grey. Blood streamed down his face, but I couldn't see a wound. His eyes were yellow, dead. He's dead. He's dead.

I cried harder as he came closer, opening his mouth as a snarling, hissing, growling sound rang out. I was crying screaming words at him, but I couldn't tell what I was saying.

Words escaped my mouth as I gasped awake, I wasn't sure what I said. My eyes were watering and a few tears escaped. I wiped them away. I glanced at the fire pit, most of the embers had died out.

Oh no, how long had I slept?

I couldn't catch my breath, I just kept gasping, trying to get as much air into my lungs as possible.

"Please no, what?"

I jumped, falling the side, attempting to scramble away from whoever had spoken.

"Damn, girlie, calm the hell down. What's wrong with ya?"

I relaxed a bit, recognising Merle's rough, scratchy voice. But I was still shaking and struggling to breathe. Whether I was shaking from the nightmare or the cold, I had no idea.

"The hell, ya havin' a seizure or somethin'?"

Why is he up? I was out here every night and not once had I seen him out. "N-no. I'm . . . I'm fine."

He didn't say anything right away, just watched me for a minute, "why ain't ya in bed?"

"Ain't tired."

"Course not, that's why your sleeping out here." He scoffed. "Why ain't ya in bed? Gonna get yer'self in trouble. Where ya sleep anyway?"

"I share a tent with Officer Shane. Not comfortable there." I was breathing deeply, finally able to calm myself down. I could still see Daddy's dead eyes, was it possible he was one of them now? Is that why he isn't here?