Just Gone

46: Every Moment After

After sorting out his feelings regarding Toby. Things became much easier. For so long he'd felt awkward with her, whether they were hunting together, walking together, or even just sitting together. He couldn't figure out how to act or what to say. He usually preferred being quiet, and he knew Toby did too, but when he was with her, he couldn't help but overthink it. Should he ask something, check on her? Or maybe just distance himself so he wasn't bothered by something so stupid.

But when Daryl did ask something or talk to her, she barely replied with a gesture let alone words. Then he'd get frustrated, wondering why he bothered.

Over the previous weeks, he stopped wondering. T-Dog had put it in his head, laying out everything since Atlanta. Every time something happened, Daryl was right with her, no hesitation. Even when he didn't act like he was.

At the CDC, he ran after and brought her out before the building imploded. The day before that, she went to him when the doctor wanted her blood sample. Everyone was trying to get her to do it, she'd went to Daryl, hoping he'd have her back. And he did. That same night, after he fought with Shane, Toby stayed in his room.

Daryl didn't love the idea of sharing a room with her, he'd considered knocking on Carol's door, Jaqui's, Dale's even. (Not Rick or T-Dog, he didn't want anything to do with them after they left Merle behind). He knew if he went to any of them, they'd let the girl stay with them and he would be free. But something stopped him, he let her stay, and the end result was her screaming waking him up, and they shared the bed that night.

Before the CDC, he'd watched as Shane told her, at the very last second, that her dad wasn't coming for her.

Daryl couldn't believe how furious he felt. He had no idea how clueless Toby was. Whenever Toby talked about what happened, it sounded so obvious that'd he'd either abandoned her, or died before he could make it back. Never had he thought she was waiting every day for his return.

When Toby had to get away from everyone, she rode in his truck.

Before that, he remembered returning to the camp after nightfall. They'd just gotten back from searching for Merle in Atlanta. Walkers were everywhere, people were screaming and fighting. He'd come back to a Walker filled camp, without his brother, who could very well be dead. Daryl wasn't sure if he'd ever see him again. Shane was protecting Lori and Carl. And the last living link Daryl had to Merle, was nowhere to be found.

The whole time Daryl was looking around, trying to find the small girl he barely knew, the girl that followed her brother around camp. He was so sure that night she was gone, it was easy to imagine then, a little girl he barely knew dying, was easily expected. So many people he barely knew were dying, she'd just be another one on the list.

That thought process changed as soon as he saw her under the RV, the feeling of hope and relief that she was fine. Thinking back on that particular night, Daryl could assume that was when it really started for him.

He wasn't able to find Merle, and when the Walkers were dead, no one knew where the girl was. After a day of failures, deaths, and other close calls, finding that girl and dragging her out from the RV felt like an amazing win. Daryl didn't get it back then, why this girl had taken up Merle's attention before he disappeared.

It didn't matter how much he understood it then because his attention went to her just as Merle's did.

When Daryl first found out about Merle, what Rick had done, he'd lost his head and attacked Rick. Everyone looked at him like he was crazy, everyone was afraid of him.

Then a child stepped in, took Shane's gun and threatened to shoot. She was the only one to go to his side, to defend him or Merle.

That was their history. Toby and Daryl had this odd push and pull relationship they were blind too, instead of merely accepting it, they took on the attitude that they were just dealing with each other. Because everything was temporary. One of them could die, Daryl could've left, Toby could've run away, she would've been gone forever if they hadn't gotten to Shane in time.