Just Gone

50: The Whole Truth

"And before she had time to realize what she was doing, she bent, reached through the bars, and snatched the toad up and away from harm, dropping it on the grass inside the fence."

I made a sound of distaste as Carl paused.

"What?" Carl twisted his neck in an awkward position, smiling up at me in question. I'd been lying on the cot in the cell I'd chosen while he sat on the floor just under me, his head just a few inches of my own.

"Ya know what," I told him.

"It's not that bad, I kind of like this part."

"Didn't say it was bad just . . . dumb. The hell does a frog need magic water for?"

"She saves it from dying," he shrugged, turning back to the book. It was the third time he'd reread the book to me, and I never enjoyed that part specifically. It wasn't the first time we talked about it. "It does kind of suck though, I wish she'd kept it."

"Why does it matter? She could always just go get more."

"I guess. I wish she'd gone with Jesse, or drank the water when she grew up."

"Everyone dies," I said, and regretted it immediately. I felt the silence between us stretch awkwardly. I'd said something stupid and ruined the mood, I didn't mean to. It was something the book mentioned about death, how everything should come to an end.

"Not them," Carl murmured. For a moment I thought he meant the immortal family in Tuck Everlasting, but the sounds and images of Walkers popped into my head. After another moment of me feeling like shit, I was ready for him to just leave. Instead, he picked up where he left off.

"A feeling of revulsion swept through her. While the dog whined, pawing uselessly at the fence, she stood rigid, staring at the toad, wiping her hand again and again on the skirt of her dress. Then she remembered the actual feel of the toad, and the revulsion passed."

"What's that word mean?" I stopped him. I must've heard it before, but it was the only time I really thought about it. "Revol-what?"

"Revulsion," he repeated. "It means she's grossed out."

I hummed in understanding and he continued. After a few more minutes of peace, I felt that dull pain in my ear worsen. The pain felt deep, almost as if it was coming from my neck, but I knew that wasn't right. I clenched my teeth, hoping it would pass, instead it grew more intense and seemed to spread. I moved my hand to hover over the ear as if it would somehow help but I was careful not to touch it. A low sound erupted from my throat, I was in too much pain to care.

Carl moved quickly, leaning over me to look. I squeezed my eyes shut and just whined. He knew something was wrong, it was too hard to hide it. I wanted to scream.

"I'll get mom," I heard him say after a moment.

Stop being a dumbass, Hershel had his leg cut off. You don't deserve to scream because your ear hurts. You're such a baby. Once again, I was a mess, just not an emotional one like before. I could hear Carl calling for Lori as his footsteps got further away. I thought I'd get annoyed, but I actually wanted her to come. I wanted someone to come and fix it, I wanted Daryl but he was gone.

When Lori came in she didn't ask any stupid questions, even to her it was obvious I was hurting. I eyed her hands, There was some dried blood on them, but not as much as before. She'd tried to clean them but wasn't able to get it all.

"Can you sit up?"

"Uh-uh," I whimpered, I was afraid to move.

I felt her hand around my wrist, pulling it away. I resisted her grip, unsure of what she was doing.