Just Gone

27: A House Divided

Merry Christmas!

After target practice, Shane was driving while Toby sat in the passenger seat. He brought rope with him to tie a small log of would to a branch so it would swing. It was meant to help Toby aim at moving objects. When they were done he left it hanging for when they could return.

He quietly sighed to himself as he glanced at the young girl out of the corner of his eye. She was sitting very still, looking down at her lap where she still held his Glock.

"It'll get easier," he said. He couldn't think of much else to say, the air between them was tense and awkward. He hated himself for telling her what he'd done to Otis, he hated how he confessed his feelings about Rick and his family. He knew he'd scared her. Shane had spent so much time trying to build a bond and establish trust with her, he was afraid it all shattered. He admitted that his anger got the best of him, that was why he told her, he couldn't hold it back, he had no control. In the very long moments he'd explained his feelings, he'd forgotten who he was talking to, what he was talking to, a child.

He didn't seem to ruin things too bad, he thought to himself. During practice she was obviously nervous for the first while, then she became more comfortable, even quirking small smiles at him every so often. He'd make a few jokes, talk to her normally to make her feel better. She'd only hit the target three times, after a while of not getting it, she got tense again. It was obvious she was disappointed and a bit angry.

"Just a waste of ammo," she mumbled.

Shane shook his head, "you'll get it, kiddo. We'll go back and try again soon. All of this isn't just so you can protect yourself from Walkers. It's to protect yourself from everything. With that kid back at the farm who knows what'll happen. It isn't a waste of ammo to teach you how to save your own life or someone else's. You just need more time. You'll get it, I promise."

Shane could feel her eyes on him. After spending so much time with her, he could tell when the girl was confused. After every failed shot she always seemed to be looking, waiting for a scolding or for him to blow up. And the times she did get it, she waited for approval before becoming excited.

He didn't know a lot about her father, but he could guess a lot about him. Toby seemed to be waiting for her father's short temper to pop out in everyone. She had no idea why Shane wasn't angry with her for not doing good. He tried not to draw too much attention to it, instead he reacted calmly and gave her some encouragement.

He could see soon many differences in the girl since he'd met her. For one she talked to him, now a lot more than before. She spoke unexpectedly instead of just when she was spoken too. She also seemed more comfortable around the others.

"The other day . . ." She started hesitantly, "you were telling me about choosing. Choosing who dies. Like . . . like how you chose that Otis dies so you could live."

He regarded her statement and nodded, wondering where she was taking it. "I chose for me and Sophia to live. All of that equipment, the medicine was supposed to make her better."

"What if I don't want to choose?"

Shane hesitated, thinking it over. He knew the answer, but he wasn't sure what to tell her. He also didn't want to lie to her, he wanted her to understand how things were, how things had changed. He was the only one who understood how things were supposed to be, he didn't want Toby to be blind like the others were.

"Then it might be you," he told her gently. He quietly watched for a reaction, but Toby didn't give one. She just turned to stare out the window.

Upon their arrival back to the farm, Shane received an earful from Rick. The group's plans were to halt training until the Randall problem was solved, Shane didn't agree with it. Toby gave Shane his gun back as the two argued, then she quietly slipped away.