I'm afraid to love you back...

Chapter 12

Chapter twelve

As the game continues I keep myself hidden from the others. I didn't want to be called on but it was quite fun to watch. Yeah it might be a childish game but it was entertaining. Sam was dared to let Kyle do her makeup for the rest of the game and might I say that she looked terrible. I can't imagine she is very happy about this either.

"Josh truth or dare," someone asks. He looks down at me before wrapping his arms completely around me. Camille and Amy went inside about an hour ago and anyone who wasn't playing at the beginning have joined us. I haven't moved from my position in Josh's warm arms.

"Dare," he rests his chin on my head and I lean into him. I have never felt so safe in someone's arm before. I have certainly never liked anyone's touch since dad started abusing. In fact I have been terrified of anybody even reaching for me. Now I was practically being swallowed in this guy's grip.

"Kiss Shayla," the boy says and I immediately look down. Josh faintly snarls behind me.

"I'm not cheating on my girlfriend," he says keeping me protectively close. The boy just shakes his head.

"You haven't even kissed that freak yet," he snarls and I see Shayla looking a mix of hurt and cocky. I hide my face with my hair but Josh turns me around his brown gorgeous eyes meeting mine. I bite my lips as he leans forward capturing me in a small kiss. He doesn't deepen it knowing that I wasn't ready for it but pulls away. His eyes shine as he looks at the boy smirking.

"She isn't a freak and I just did so why don't we continue playing?" He asks and everyone looks like they were either trying to hold in laughter or glaring at me. I shrink into him hiding myself from them. I didn't do anything. I don't think. Then again there was always something wasn't there?

Maybe I deserved the continuous glares and hatred people through my way. I killed someone. My own mother. Someone who took care of me and loved me and all I could do to pay her back was kill her. I didn't deserve the happiness that came along with being with Josh. I didn't deserve the incredible warmth that spread over my body when he kissed me.

I think everyone knew that I didn't want to play by then because as everyone got tired of the game no one asked me. I had sat up straighter now trying to escape Josh's arms. He knew something was bothering me and didn't let me go though. I loved the way he held me but I hated the way I was. Hated who I was.

"Why don't we go in and watch a movie in the basement?" Josh suggests and everyone nods. Everyone simultaneously steps inside to change before we go down. Josh stops me before I can follow the others though.

"You want to help me get snacks?" He asks wrapping his arms around me. I can't help but smile biting my lip and nodding.

"What do you want me to do?" I ask as he reaches on top of the fridge for the chips. I was too short to help him.

"Just sit there and be the beautiful girl you are," he says kissing my cheek and I blush hiding my face again. My hair was mostly dry now but it was in knots.

"Josh," I ask hesitantly, "Why do all your friends hate me?"

I don't meet his eyes and I see his feet appear in front of me. I was sitting on a stool looking down and my hands were shaking. All of his friends seem to have taken an immeasurable disliking towards me. I needed to know if it was because I was just a terrible person or not. I knew that was more than likely in this situation. No one could ever like someone like me. Not a murder. Not a girl who was silent more than half her time. Someone who was afraid to trust anyone.

"They don't hate you. Well most of them don't but Shayla and her friends are just jealous," he says kissing my forehead gently, "Most of them don't know how to get one guy to stick around with them so they go slitting around to make themselves feel better. You have me to take care of you. You are beautiful and you don't let everything that is happening to you get you down. Though I wish you would tell someone about it because these bruises," he traces his finger across the one on my cheek. The makeup came off in the water, "They hurt me to see them but I know you are scared."