I'm afraid to love you back...

Chapter13

Chapter thirteen

I cross my arms as we walk into the mall. Work was extremely boring but I would rather be there then here letting him buy things for me. I had stopped home giving my dad the beer and changing quickly.

"Where do you want to start?" Josh asks and I scowl at him crossing my arms.

"I've never been to the mall before," I mutter and he puts an arms round me making me look at him again.

"Please just let me do this. I want to buy things for you. Not because you are weak because you aren't," he says kissing me gently. He leads me into the main part we look around. He drags me into a few game and movie stores before we meet up with Sam and Kyle.

We meet them at the food court where Josh had me pulled against him as we ate. He made me buy something because he didn't like how little I ate. He said it was unhealthy.

"Hey guys!" Sam's cheerful voice is loud above all the others and a few older people turn to give her glares. She sits across from us with Kyle by her side.

"Hey," Josh says casually pulling me closer.

"Oh my gosh!" Sam suddenly shouts looking at something behind me. I look but I don't see anything but stores. She starts bouncing excitedly, "Come on guys. I have to get Georgia in that dress."

I groan a little as everyone stands. Josh chuckles before grabbing my hand and pulling me to face him. He kisses my cheek.

"We'll meet you back here in an hour," he says and I glare at him. How dare he ditch me with this clothe obsessed girl?

"Let's go," Sam whines grabbing my arm and pulling me away.

About twenty stores and a lot more bags later we collapse onto the bench we sat at previously. Kyle and Josh look at us with amusement.

"We told you to meet in an hour. It's been two," Kyle scolds us but I'm too tired to care. At each store Sam had me pick at least fifty things and try each on. Everything was long sleeved and covered my body. She bought a couple dresses with Josh's money but I made sure to have something to cover my legs as well.

"You can't rush a girl who is shopping. You might get stabbed with a heel," Josh points out reaching towards me absently.

"I want to go home," he whines back and Sam starts arguing with him as we stand.

"Let me carry your bags," Josh tells me with a grin. His hair settles over his eyes and I move to push it back. He smiles wider and kisses my palm before taking my bags into his arms. I grab a couple not wanting him to do all the work and we walk away after saying bye to the other two.

"Thank you," I tell him once we are settled in his car again. He looks at me but I don't look back. I don't like that he just spent at least a hundred dollars on clothes I didn't want or need.

"Did you have fun?" He asks and I nod. I truly did. Sam was quite entertaining as we searched and tried different things on.

"She is really hyper sometimes," I say rubbing my wrist a little anxiously. It was still sore from her grabbing it but I didn't care.

"I know. Kyle was very impatient. "He kept on saying that Sam took you away."

He seemed amused but in there was no doubt would Sam do that. She even suggested we left a few times. We were actually done on time but we went across the street to get some coffee. I never was a huge fan of it but she was almost addicted. Not that she needed any caffeine anyway.

As we drive he suggests we go to his house for a while. I didn't protest because I really didn't feel like arguing. I was tired and needed to rest. If I went home I would not be able to do that.

"You and Camille could eat dinner with us if you would like," he suggests and I shrug keeping my eyes lowered.

"Sure," I murmur and he looks at me in the mirror. My heart flutters at the concern in his eyes but I can't make myself meet them. I felt weird. Like I had done something wrong but I can't exactly tell what.

"What's the matter?" He asks but I shake my head. Josh was too kind for me. I didn't deserve to be with someone like him.

We drive into his garage but he doesn't let me get out. Instead he turns to me and takes both my hands kissing each knuckle.

"Tell me what is wrong," he says caressing my cold hands. They were ugly and terrible to look at. I try to tug them lose gently but he doesn't allow it.

"I don't get it," I murmur looking down at our hands, "I don't get why you could chose someone like me when you could have someone like Shayla or Sam or anyone else in the school. You deserve so much more."

"I don't understand why you think so lowly of yourself. You are gorgeous and you are all I want. Do you believe me yet?" He asks looking up into my eyes. His breath is warm against my hands as he still held them close to his face.

"I don't know," I mutter truthfully. He sighs and gets out of the car. He comes around and opens my door. He pulls me close as we walk into the house. His arms around me seemed to soothe some of the bruises and leftover sores from previous nights at home. The sores I deserved sometimes.

Sometimes I wonder if my mood swings are a medical condition. He must think I'm ridiculous. One minute I was laughing and talking with Sam at the mall as we shopped the next I'm gloomy and sad because I don't feel like I deserve him. All I can bring myself to believe is that I deserve the beatings I receive. I mean just imagine what it would be like to kill your own mother. One of the people you loved most in the world who was loved by everyone. I deserve everything that comes to me. Except for Josh.

We make our way up to his room where he opens the door letting me go through first. I turn to look at him and he kisses me gently. I hesitate before my will collapses and I kiss him back. He pulls away a glint in his eyes.

"You deserve me. Please don't feel like I'm better than you. I care so much about you but I hate seeing how sad you are sometimes. It hurts to know that you think of yourself so lowly," he says as he pulls me over to the bed. We lay down and he pulls me closer. He then chuckles, "It isn't like you are a murderer or anything."