I'm afraid to love you back...

Chapter 16

Chapter sixteen

Walking into school everyone seems to be staring at me. Like they know something is different. I kept my head held high despite the sickness that seemed to be running through my stomach. I wasn't going to come to school but when I called into work he would let me come in. I couldn't stay in that house any longer.

I felt as though I didn't have anything left. I was just going through the motions now. I woke up this morning in my father's bed. I showered washing my skin until it was raw. I got a few hits from my dad and went to my room. Called into work then changed into some school clothes. I didn't really pay attention. I didn't bother doing anything to cover the new cuts or slowly defacing bruises on my face.

Maybe that is why they stared. I couldn't exactly bring myself to care though. I just kind of drifted to my locker where I dug for my papers.

"George," Josh's shout from down the hall makes me freeze. No no no.

He appears next to me and smiles reaching to pull me into a hug but I flinch away. I watch his eyes carefully as they move from confusion to hurt to sadness, "What's the matter George?"

I shake my head smiling a little before shutting my locker and moving towards my first class. He puts a hand on my arm and I jump back. I get a flash from the night before and shudder.

"George tell me what's wrong," he says his voice nervous. Sam and Kyle both appear next to him each giving me the exact nervous looks. I feel small with all of them staring down at me.

"Nothing's wrong," I say forcing a smile and know they don't buy it.

"Come on. I think it is time for some girl talk," Sam says waving me away from the boys. Josh starts to protest but a withering glare from Sam sends him into silence.

She drags me into the bathroom where a pair of freshman stand doing their make up in the mirror. Sam puts her hands on her hips, "Scram."

They give us mean looks before gathering their things and leaving. I scowl at Sam but she doesn't give me a chance to talk, "What did your father do this time? Don't lie. You have cuts all over your cheeks and you are walking funny."

I look down at the floor not really sure what to say or how I should feel, "He let his friends rape me."

Her face pales and her eyes widen. She looks like she wants to hug me but I warn her with my eyes, "Oh Georgia..."

She shifts on her feet looking like she couldn't quite decide what to do. I hesitantly put my hand on her arm, "It's okay. I survived. Can you just... Not tell Josh?"

She considers me for a second, "He won't judge you. He really likes you. You can trust him."

"How do you tell your boyfriend you were raped?" I ask putting my head down and folding my sore arms. Dan and the other man I came to know as pat both carved their names into either one of my arms with their knives. They wanted to mark my skin as well as my mind. Sometimes you wonder how much pain you can endure before you pass out. I wondered that a lot last night.

"He'll understand," she reassures me. I shake my head.

"I'm already weak in his eyes. I don't want him to..." I don't know what I'm saying honestly. I was hysterical and I didn't need anyone seeing me like this. You've heard the last straw before. When they raped me it was definitely the last straw.

"Now you're just being pathetic," she spits at me, "You are going to leave and go talk to him."

A fire inside me starts. Why does everyone have to push me around? I quiet and duck my head nodding in obedience like I've done so many times for my dad. She storms out of the bathroom not even glancing back to be sure I followed. I step out my head lowered and my mind slowly growing quiet.

The halls were empty and I'm aware of a bell ringing signaling something but I don't really comprehend it. I saw Josh chewing nervously on his thumb nail while talking to Kyle. As soon as he spots me he looks relieved but still nervous.

"What's the matter?" He asks reaching to put his hand on my arms lovingly but I run my hand over my arms blocking his destination. He looked sad but I couldn't bring myself to care anymore. I'm too tired. I didn't sleep last night.

"Josh she doesn't look okay," Kyle warns and I snap my head towards his voice. He sounded so much like Pat. Are they back for me? I can't do it again.

"Georgia," Dan's voice snaps me to look at the man in front of me. His cruel grin as he reaches towards me makes me scream and scramble back. For some reason he doesn't grab for me. He almost looks startled.

"Please. No more please," I gasp aware of the tile beneath my hands now. It should be cold. Why couldn't I feel it?

"What are you talking about?" He lumbers towards me and I put my wet face in my hands. When did I start crying?

"What's going on out here?" I'm aware of a woman's voice but I don't stop my shaking and whimpering. My eyes are closed and I'm rocking back and forth. I feel someone pick me up and I start thrashing.

"No!" I plead looking up into the face of who seemed to be Josh again. I cry into his shirt not seeming to comprehend that the students lining the hall were all whispering to one another. Josh holds the back of my head as. I cry.

"Shhh. It's all okay. I'm here," Josh rocks me back and forth gently while the others give us sympathetic looks. I could see Shayla staring, smirking over Josh's shoulder like she knew what was happening to me.

All at once the voices start. Telling me how absolutely worthless I am. How much of a child I was. How I deserved to die like my mother did. Suddenly I didn't want to live.

All the emotions swirl inside me making my brain hurt. I begin to see spots just as I hear one of the teachers panicked voice coming towards us.

"We need to get her to the hospital..."