I'm afraid to love you back...

Epilogue

Epilogue

I hold Josh's hand tightly in mine as we sit in the shakes placed outside around the tent where Camille lay in her coffin. She was wearing the blue dress I once wore on my first date with Josh. She loved that dress.

A tear slips down my cheek and Josh wipes it away with his finger. I give him a grateful look and he pulls me into him.

"Camille was a brave girl who lived in an abusive home along with her sister. While she got none of the beatings she was a brave young girl for growing up in such a place. Despite all of his though she was a happy child who could always see the best in people," the man who was speaking says. Jacky says it is the pastor of the church she and her family attend. Apparently Camille went along a few times with them.

A lot of people here today have came up to me to tell me how sorry they were and to wish me luck. Josh eventually just pulled me to a chair when he saw my wary look. I was getting anxious with all the people around me and annoyed at how people told me it would be okay.

We listen to him talk about Camille and a couple of people went up to tell stories about her. Jacky went up first telling about how when Camille was trying to help make cookies she forgot to plug the hand mixer in and got so frustrated. Her teacher went up next talking about how she was so kind to her fellow students. I had a full silent breakdown as I realize even more that I didn't know about Camille. She had such an amazing life with Jacky and her family. I made her life miserable.

I quickly pull at the rubber band on my wrist to try and erase the bad thoughts racing through my head. It was one of the things Ms. Kingly, my therapist recommended. She told me to just play with the rubber band whenever I started thinking thoughts that made me upset. Josh notices and rubs a hand up and down my leg.

"You're beautiful," he whispers in my ear and I nod closing my eyes.

When it was finally time to bury her I went up to her coffin and said my goodbyes. Josh was by my side the entire time.

"I'm sorry for everything. Thank you so much for saving me," I kissed her cold forehead and had to turn away to sob into Josh's shirt. I felt so terrible. He hushes me and pulls me away.

"Good bye Camille," he whispers as we turn our backs on my sister's body