Being young

PART 1: chapter 5

COMMENT! THERE WILL BE QUESTIONS AT THE END IF YOU DON'T COMMENT WHILE READING. 

  Beyoncé :

"Am I Beautiful?" A young me once asked my father, I was only young. Maybe 6 or so and I looked at my mother who was the most glamorous woman in the world, and I wondered. Was I Beautiful? 

" Beyoncé, beauty is transparent" My father replied, I was too young to know what transparent meant, I looked at  him for a moment. I saw his face change as he smiled down at me and cupped my chin in his one large hand then used the other to brush hair out of my face. I looked over at my mother who was sitting on the couch flicking through the pages of a magazine with her hair pulled into a pony tail perfectly showing off her cheekbones and facial structure. She really was so beautiful. 

"What does Transparent mean?" I asked as I looked back at him, He chuckled slightly and removed his hands from my face before replying, 

"It means see through, like glass" He pointed at the glass table and I nodded my head. 

"How can it be see through, you see if someone is beautiful. I don't get it" I pointed out, I really didn't get it. How could beauty, something that's clearly there and can be seen be transparent? I didn't understand what he was talking about. 

"Beauty is not about the colour of your eyes, the structure of your body or softness of your skin. Beauty is about the effect you have on other people, the many layers of your personality and the kindness of your heart. You can't see those things. People have been brainwashed into thinking that one thing looks better than the other but that's not true." He had obviously had enough with the conversation and stood up off the couch before walking out of the room and leaving me to think about everything he said. 

I sat on the school bus looking out the window thinking about that day, my body jerked side to side as we travelled and I watched the trees pass me outside the window.  Today wasn't going to be any different to any other day and I didn't expect it too be, instead I just awaited the trouble I was going to get into as usual. Juice poured all over me, my phone thrown to the floor and cracked, paint-or any other shit- thrown on my too, stabbed in the back numerous times with pencils, walking down the corridors with mean words thrown at me from all directions. It wasn't going to change. It had been the same for as as long as I could remember all because of Shontelle Evans, and I didn't even know why. I had never taken any attention away from her, I wasn't in any battle with her, I never beat her in anything and for some reason she hated me. I don't think she even knows why, she probably hates me just because she can. She hates a lot of people just because she can and I don't think that's the right way to treat anyone. 

I looked around the bus, Sam adjusted his hat slightly as he continued to drive us all to school, Amanda and Cameron kissed in the far corner with their hand all over each other. They didn't kiss like normal people, instead Jamie grabbed her breast viciously in one hand and she gripped his hair in her hands tight. Onika was sitting by herself in another corner with headphones on and pink tips in her hair I had never seen before. As usual Shontelle was in the back, but something had caught me by surprise. Not once had she laughed, or sniggered or pointed in my direction. I looked at her out of the corner of my eye, she was looking out the window not really paying much attention to anything. Maybe something was wrong, Maybe she's sad about something. I turned my head to look at her just a bit more and she quickly shot her head in my direction but before she could talk another voice spoke before her. 

"Get lost!" Sam yelled from the front of the bus followed by groans of all the kids not wanting to go anywhere until Shontelle screamed and ran of the bus fast. She screamed like an annoying little child and I couldn't stand it but I wondered what she was screaming at. Had she got a new car? Was there some sort of present waiting for her at school? Did she have something waiting for me outside to embarrass me that she just couldn't wait any longer? I looked out the window to see that kidnapping murderer gang drug man standing with a bouquet of flowers, Oh, as Shontelle stood in front of him happily. I looked down at the ground, what was I expecting? I began walking down the steps of the bus not wanting to make any eye contact with anyone- Not because I was crying! That's just an allergic reaction! The bus was dusty... Is he serious? WOW. Just wow, I can't believe he would do that. It's not that I'm jealous but ugh!