Being young

Part 3: Chapter 9

  Beyoncé  POV:

I was sat on my bed reading a book on pregnancy that the doctor had recommended,  

  When you're pregnant, you can think of nothing but having your own body to yourself again, yet after having given birth you realise that the biggest part of you is now somehow external, subject to all sorts of dangers and disappearance, so you spend the rest of your life trying to figure out how to keep it close enough for comfort. That's the strange thing about being a mother: until you have a baby, you don't even realise how much you were missing one.  

I smiled a little bit and held my hand over my stomach before placing the book down next to me and biting my lip, "You've been nice to me for the past few days, no throw ups. You love mommy huh?" I asked it with a bright smile on my face, "I love you more" I wiped my tears and got up off the bed with a smile on my face. I've started to really love this child, I don't know if it's the book or the fact that time is going on and on and I'm really accepting the fact that there is a life growing inside of me but I really do love 'em. I want them to love me, I never want my child to ever go through the things I did, I want to protect them and give them the best life possible. 

"Bey?" Solange walked into my room I smiled at her but she didn't smile back, "Um, mom's a bit worried about you" She sat on my couch and I looked at her confused. "She's just noticed you're dressing differently and you're really emotional and your eating habits have changed. She's downstairs, she wants to talk to you" I sighed and nodded my head before smiling at Solo and kissing her head. 

"I'm good, don't worry" She nodded her head and then said, 

"When you come back from lunch you wanna go out?" She asked, I nodded my head and then placed my hand on her shoulder as we left my room and began walking down the stairs. Man I missed this house, and my family. It's so weird being back. "I'll see you later"  She went off toward dad's study and I walked into the living room to see my mom sitting on the couch smiling at me. 

"Hey Momma" I sat next to her and she rested her hands on my thigh  before talking. 

"Bey, Ima cut to the chase" She warned, "You've been acting strange since you came home yesterday and I just want you to know that being away from Shawn isn't the end of the world." I looked at her a little confused and she continued, "You're eating a little more and dressing strange with the baggy clothes. Are you depressed?" I couldn't help but laugh a little bit in relief, I really thought she caught me but she didn't. Shit. 

"Mom, I'm not depressed" I laughed a little more and she moved her hands off me and pursed her lips together angrily, "Look, at college my eating habits changed a little and I haven't really washed my clothes and these are the ones I have clean. Of Course I'm really sad about Jay but I'm not depressed, you're just thinking about it too much. Nothing's up" She hugged me and kissed my cheek before we heard a car outside and knowing It was Jay I smiled brighter and said bye to her before running up to my room to get my stuff and meeting him outside. When I walked out he had some flowers in his hand and I walked toward him looking at them. "For me?" I asked him. 

"And the baby" He answered nervously. I took them out of his hands and put them in the house giving them to my mom to put them in a vase before meeting him again and getting in the car with him. "How's the baby been?" He asked, 

"Well the morning sickness has eased up a lot and I've been taking my vitamins, I've been making sure I eat properly- well except for yesterday but there was so much good food in the house- I've been doing exercise in the morning and It seems I'm growing a healthy baby"  He nodded his head and continued driving.