Being young

PART 3: Chapter 10

  Beyoncé POV

 In my eyes, my mother is a goddess. She can be glorious or terrible, benevolent or filled with wrath, but she commands love either way. I am convinced that this is the greatest power in the universe. 

She looked down at me and I looked up at her. Staring into those all knowing eyes I saw myself reflected in them, the dark green consumed me as the small flickers of brown warmed me despite the sternness of her face.  She rested her hands on her wide hips and pushed her lips together letting them form a full line of anger as her cheekbones stood proud and glorious while her eyebrows arched in fierceness. My mother always knew everything so I wondered why I bothered to hide a single thing from her. Especially something like this, 

"You lied to me" She announced as she looked down at me but this time I moved my eyes off her and onto my fingers which rested in my lap as I sat on the couch before her. Like a child in trouble, Like a criminal under interrogation. A super star under the spot light. "I gave you the opportunity to tell me and you lied, I knew you was pregnant from the moment I saw you at the airport. I knew you were pregnant when I walked into your room to kiss you goodnight and a sleeping you held a pregnancy book on your lap, I knew you were pregnant when you left here having told me nothing was going on and I know you're pregnant right now" I let my wet eyes move from my lap and on to her slowly. When I came home Solange wasn't waiting as I had assumed she would be but instead my mother was and she was angry, having sent my daddy and solo to get groceries it was just the two of us in the house and she wasted no time telling me knew knew all along. "Go on, how far along are you?" She sat on the couch opposite me throwing her body down on to it as I watched her and slouched ever so slightly. 

"Almost three months" I spoke quietly, she rolled her eyes and rested her hand on her forehead leaving her eyes closed. "Mom, I know you're disappointed  but  I am having a baby" I sat up straighter and began to talk louder, "What is it exactly that you're going to do? Kick me out? Disown me?" I stood up in front of her and looked down at her this time. "I don't care if you've decided you're ashamed of me, or if you want me gone because I know that I will look after this child and I will love it and teach it everything good I know. I don't remember who said this, but there really are places in the heart you don't even know exist until you love a child. And I already love this child and there is nothing you or daddy or anyone can do to take that away from me" She stood up off the couch and I watched as she walked around me looking up and down with a smirk on her face. 

"Do you know why I am angry at you?" She asked, I went to talk but she held her finger up and shook her head. "I'm not angry at you for getting pregnant- not entirely anyway- I'm angry that you had multiple opportunities and chances, in the past three months, to tell me you were having a baby and yet I have to sit you down like a little girl and tell you I know just to get a little bit of information out of you"  She stopped in front of me so I took a step toward her and looked her in the eye. Now that we were both standing I was just a little taller than she was so I didn't need to look up at her anymore, 

"I haven't spoken to Shawn at all since I found out I was pregnant and as the father of my child I thought he should be the first person I told, he was at the top of my priority list and I only told him yesterday and spoke with him properly today. I figured we'd tell our families together" She watched me waiting for me to quiver in front of her but I wouldn't dare, yes my mother was a scary woman but I couldn't act like a five year old getting told off because that would only make it worse. 

"So when exactly were you planning on telling us all?" She stood back away from me and I sighed a little, 

"some time time this week" I said playing it smart. If I told her about the dinner I knew what she'd say, 'you want to organise a dinner that I cook in my house so that you can tell everyone about you being grown and getting pregnant' so I didn't tell her I wanted to invite his family for dinner but I knew she would suggest it.