The Crash

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Something stuff that I learned.

1.       There was never a plane crash

2.       I was In a CAR crash with the boys

3.       Ryan is actually a paramedic with a different name and helped me out of the car.

4.       Hazel is a nursing student that has been checking on me a few times since I have been in a coma.

5.       I was never shot, raped, punched, or stabbed

6.       And lastly.. I was never in love.

They told me to move on. They told me to just forget about everything. They told me that it wasn’t real. Even if it was in my head, it still felt real. Everything about it felt real. But I have to move on.

Joel suggested that I see a therapist but I don’t want to.

The boys want me to talk about everything that’s going on in my head but I don’t want to.

And Joel says that it would be best if we never talked or saw each other again.

So as I leave the hospital with the boys I realize that I have to leave everything behind me. The plane crash, Hazel, Joel, Ryan, and the island. It’s not real. All of it was just in my head. But no matter how many times I kept telling myself that it wasn’t real, I part of me kept saying it was.

But every day after I woke up, after I took my new anxiety pills, took a shower, and looked myself in the mirror, I told myself over and over again that everything was a lie.

The press didn’t ever know. All they knew that there was a car crash.

The heading would read:

“UK BOYBAND THE WANTED IN CAR CRASH”

…

“NATHAN SYKES IN COMA…”

…

“WILL THE YOUNGEST MAKE IT?”

Every single day I woke up confused as to if I was Nathan Sykes who just woke up from a coma or Nathan Sykes who just got rescued from a plane crash.

I guess as time goes on I will get used to it but I hope that comes soon. I’ll take it day by day. I know I should feel safer right? Because Ryan isn’t out there and neither is Hazel and I do, it’s just hard to go from a nightmare you thought was your reality to an actual reality.

I wish I could tell you this story has a better ending but I can’t. All I can tell you is that time goes on and that’s all there is to it.

I will have to put the plane crash behind me because I know somewhere inside me that it never happened. And even though it may take me awhile to come through to that, everything will turn out okay. Everything has to go away eventually, right?

But sometimes I think that we are all living in a dream, and it’s a way for us to escape the nightmare we have when we wake up from this reality. But does it really matter? Because I like this dream. I’m living my dream inside my dream and I love it.

But what no one else knows is that I’m stuck.

I’m stuck between my dream and my nightmare.

Because when I close my eyes to fall asleep I just wake up to another reality.

And I’m not sure which reality I want more.