Don't Hug Me I'm Scared One Shots

Airplanes

((OKEE DOKEE. So all my fanfics so far have been reALLY SAD so I'm gonna try to make a funny one for a change. I hope you like it. It's part of an AU I made up a while ago in the teacher's past lives. HERE WE GO))

"NO!" The pale woman shrieked.
With the kind of personality she had, one would think that she would be okay with certain events, but apparently not.
"Paige, hurry up!! We're going to miss our flight!!!" Tony shouted. He was trying to use a controlled tone, but that surely wasn't working. He did not want to miss that flight. The man had spent all week planning it, and he wasn'g going to let Paige ruin his fun.
Spring break was going to be his only big break. He wasn't one to take vacations often, but he thought that it would be a fun thing to do with friends.
It was clear to him now that he thought wrong.
He invited Paige and Shrignold, his two best friends (not to mention his two only friends) on this trip. They were all supposed to board for the flight to Japan 7 minuted and 45 seconds ago, but Paige was getting cold feet.
The thin woman was shrieking and wrenching in Tony's grip, trying desperately to escape.
Shrignold was standing at the gate, staring as the two bickered and faught.
"I DON'T WANNA GO!!" She screamed.
"Why?!?" Tony asked.
"BECAUSE I'M AFRAID OF FLYING!!" She replied.
"WELL YOU COULD HAVE TOLD ME THAT I WOULD HAVE GOTTEN US BOAT TICKETS!" woops, there goes Tony's calm and controlled tone.
"I HATE BOATS TOO!!" Paige screeched. She stepped on the man's foot, making him let go of her long enough for her to take 5 paces forward.
The dark sinned man grabbed her wrist, pulling her back towards him. As much as Paige hated to admit it, Tony was stronger than her by a lot. She still kicked, and screamed, causing everyone passing by to look at the strange pair, fighting as if no one was watching.
Except everyone was watching, and Shrignold was seriosly starting to regret ever agreeing to come on the trip with them.
These two were like fire and ice, light and dark, double trouble if you will.Whenever Shrig went out with them, it was like he was babysitting two satan spawns.
He didn't undetstand how these two gathered up all the energy to commence combat every single day. On the rare days where they would get along, he was always thankful.
Tony dragged the female towards the boarding gate, her multicoloured hair falling like a matted curtain infront of her face.
"Tony let me GO!" She screamed.
"YOU'RE MAKING A SCENE!" Tony shouted.
Bypassers paused to stare at the source of the loud voice. The dark man didn't care, he kept on doing what he intended to do.
Shrignold on the other hand was embarrassed that in the end of all of this, he had to walk to the boarding station with these two freaks. His cheeks flushed, and he pinched the bridge of his nose. Tony and Paige were idiots, but they were his idiots and he loved them very much.
"Come on you guys...people are staring..." he muttered, barely loud enough for the screaming dou to hear.
He was surprised airport services hadn't called security on them yet.
Tony dug around in his man purse, throwing three boarding passes in the greeter's face. He was currently sitting on Paige to keep her pinnned down.
"YOU AWFUL PERSON YOU'RE CRUSHING ME!" She yelled.
Tont grunted as she kicked and squirmed.
The greeter stared at the two in awe and shock.
"Passports," Tony showed all of their passports, before picking Paige up off the ground and dragging her towards the gate. She hung limp in his arms, as if she was playing dead.
Everyone still stared.
"She's okay! I promise!" Tony spoke in his normal, controlled British accent, giving a suave smile.
Shrignold followed the two, hanging his head bashfuly.
"I am going to sell you to Satan," Paige mumbled to Tony.
"Well in that case, see you in hell," Tony replied.

|-/ ((lmao TØP sign))

Gilbert rolled his eyes.
"How mant times do you plan to get up??" He asked the nerdy blonde beside him in an annoyed tone.
"I have to pee!!" Colin whined.
"You've told me that 7 times!!!" Gilbert said.
"Oh good you've been counting. Sources say that if you go to the washroom more than 8 times in a plane, your waste will be shot out of the plane," Colin spoke in a matter-of-fact tone.
"The hell...where'd you read that?!?"
"The internet, duh~"
"Are you just going to believe everything you see on the internet?!?!"
"Maybe,"
Gilbert sighed. "That was a rhetorical question, dumbass,"
"That was a rhetorical question, dumbass," Colin mocked Gilbert.
"Oh real mature," Gilbert growled. The man turned back to reading his book.
The two were college buddies, going on a trip for a part of one of their classes. Well, wouldn't say 'college buddies'. I would say they were more like college rivals.
Colin and Gilbert were both the smartest people in their class, and each day, the two would show off to eachother. Gilbery was driven by determination to be something big, and Colin was driven by the need to be better than Gilbert.
"Well aren't you gonna get up???" Asked Colin.
"Why should I?" Gilbert snarled.
Colin rolled his eyes, trying to climb over Gilbert.
The plane started to shake, and Colin paused, growing silent.
"It's just turbulence," the brunette muttered, sinking uis face into his book.
"Please get off of me."
Colin sat back down in his seat, and the plane shook again.
Gilbert glanced up at Colin, smirking.
"What, are you afraid of a little turbulence?"
"N-No! Of course not!" The blonde replied, pushing up his glasses. "It's just what happens when the airplane goes through air which is different in temperature, no big deal,"
The two sat in silence again for a few minute before heavy turbulence began.
Colin's eyes widened, and he clutched his armrest tightly.
"Oh gosh, why did I say yes to three boxes of apple juice!?!" He asked himself.
Gilbert put down his book.
"Colin can I tell you something?" He asked quietly.
Colin nodded. "What?"
"I might be afriad of turbulence," "I might be too," said the man.
The plane was shaking rapidly now. Colin grabbed Gilbert's hand.
"If I die, you can have all my books!" Said Gilbert.
"If I die, please don't go through my internet browsing history!!" Whimpered Colin.
"I never actually hated you, Colin!"
The plane shook more, the people in the plane growing restless and worried.
"Gilbert if we die, I just want you to know that I've always loved you!!" Colin yelled.
The turbulence stopped, as if it was put to rest by Colin's sudden outburst.
Gilbert stared at Colin with a confused look on his face.
Colin's cheeks flushed, and he just looked out the window, hoping Gilbert never heard what he said.
((Ayy that was short but, how'd I do?))