Recollection ★ Bucky Barnes

I'm Just A Disappointment

Marlena sat quietly at the island in the kitchen, while Tony and Clint worked diligently in front of her. She had stumbled into the loft earlier with swollen, tear-filled eyes and quite possibly one of the saddest facial expressions Tony and Clint had ever seen on her. They weren't exactly sure why she had been so upset, as both had arrived from their missions hours after her argument with Bucky. Tony assumed it was because she felt bad about the events of the previous day; Clint assumed it was because she missed her family. But rather than immediately asking her what was wrong, the two decided to make her breakfast in an attempt to cheer her up beforehand. Marlena appreciated the gesture, of course, but to her there was nothing anyone could do to make her feel better; at least not at the moment there wasn't.

Bucky's words were still so vividly etched into Marlena's mind; they played on a constant loop inside her brain, despite everything else that seemed to be going on. Nobody had ever said such a thing to her, and even if someone had she never would've imagined that someone to be Bucky—the love of her life. She had learned to accept the fact that he didn't mean it, but he still said it, nonetheless, and he couldn't take it back, no matter how desperately he wished to. The damage had already been done; the tears had already fallen, and even now, at almost ten in the morning, they were still falling.

Marlena thought of nothing but Bucky's words as she sat and watched Clint and Tony prepare her breakfast. They were cooking her favorite: chocolate chip waffles with a side of bacon and strawberries. She couldn't bring herself to care, though, as she could only ponder on Bucky's words and just how frighteningly accurate they seemed to be.

Marlena's dad would be disappointed in her if he were still here, or at least that was what she seemed to want to believe. She was most certainly not the Marlena he had raised, and it tore her apart inside to actually come to terms with the reality of it. Marlena wanted her dad back—she wanted him back more than anything; she wanted him back so she could tell him just how sorry she was for what she had become—for what they had transformed her into. She would not get that opportunity, however, and that was an aspect of the situation that made Bucky's words hurt her all the more.

"Here you go, cupcake," Clint's voice sounded.

Marlena snapped out of her thoughts long enough to see Clint placing a plate full of food down in front of her, along with some silverware and a bottle of Dr. Pepper. She smiled in thanks and picked up her fork, wasting no time at all in digging into her breakfast. She wasn't very hungry, considering her emotions were all over the place, but she would eat regardless. It would be disrespectful to waste the food Tony and Clint had so graciously fixed for her.

"While you eat," Tony started, sitting down across from her with a cup of coffee in his hand, "why don't you tell us why you're so sad? Is it because of yesterday?"

Marlena frowned and shook her head, shoving a forkful of waffle into her mouth.

"Wait, what happened yesterday?" Clint asked as he sat down beside Tony, his own plate of food in front of him.

"Marlena here snuck off on a mission with Steve," Tony told him.

Clint shrugged. "And why is that such a big deal?"

"Because she's still on the suppressors," Tony answered. "She's lucky she only managed to get away with a bullet graze to the arm; she could've gotten herself killed."

Clint almost choked on his food. "You're still on the suppressors? I thought Tony and Bruce took you off of them like two weeks ago?"

Marlena sighed and shook her head. "No, they didn't. But if they could that would be much appreciated."