For Better, For Worse (BWWM) | COMPLETE ✔

✔ Seventeen: "A lot on my mind."

Liv

In the early hours of the morning, I found myself wide awake with a book in my hands and so much on my mind, I couldn't even process what I was reading.

I ran my hand over my face, just thinking about my dinner date with Jay and me basically letting him know that I liked him. It felt absolutely right and perfect, but one thing woke me up from my happy slumber: I knew nothing about this man that I had feelings for.

I got out of bed and put on my silk robe and I made my way to the kitchen for some tea, hoping it would calm me down enough and make sleeping easier for me.

Jay was sitting on the floor in the living room, having some coffee, only the light from the buildings outside illuminating the living room.

I could see he was also having trouble sleeping.

"Hey." I said softly, walking to the kitchen.

"Hey." He said back to me.

"Sleep also failed you, huh?"

"A lot on my mind."

I went to boil the kettle and prepare my cup by adding sugar, a bit of milk and a tea bag. When the water boiled, I poured it in then I went to sit on the floor next to Jay.

"What kept you up?" He looked at me.

"Lots of questions." I said.

"About me?"

I nodded.

He smiled slightly and put his empty mug on the coffee table.

"What kept you up?" I asked him.

"The answers to your questions." He said, "I thought I could sleep it off and save this conversation for another day but..."

"The voice inside is too loud."

He nodded.

"The other day you said that if you were to tell me about yourself, I wouldn't believe you." I said. "What did you mean by that?"

He bit his lip and I knew that what he was carrying inside him was really heavy.

"Jay, I really like you and I want us to try. But, I don't know if I can trust someone I know very little about. I mean, say for example, something happened to you and I had to fill out some type of form to help you out. What would I say?"

"I understand."

"I won't judge you. You already know that."

"That's not what I'm afraid of."

"Then what are you afraid of?"

"Losing you."

"You won't."

"How do I know that?"

I looked at his troubled face and into those sad hazel eyes.

"I promise you that." I said to him. "We all have closets, Jay. Some skeletons are just scarier than others but who's to say that my skeletons are better than yours?"

He looked into my eyes for a moment, probably searching me for truth in what I'd just said, then he started talking.

"I was raised by my mother and grandparents. My mom worked two jobs to keep things running smoothly financially so I could be like the other kids in school, more or less. When I was a boy, I got a big break in the music industry and moved to America with my mom. After years of dating the wrong type of women, I thought I finally found the one. We were happy and in love-- so I thought-- and I looked forward to starting a family with her. She left me at the alter, on our wedding day, for my best friend. I felt so humiliated, like I'd let my family down once again. I couldn't face the music anymore-- you know, people laughing at me and judging me for failing at yet another thing? The look on my mother's face... so I called up my lawyer to change up my will, had a few drinks then I went driving. Rolled down a hill or something, managed to get out and watch my car explode and I decided, in that moment, that I was better off alone and unknown."