For Better, For Worse (BWWM) | COMPLETE ✔

✔Twenty Five: "I'm at a crossroads."

Justin

Late at night, the night before Liv was to leave for Queens, I stayed up with lots of things running through my mind about my mom's arrival tomorrow.

She insisted on coming over to see where I stayed. I just hoped that she wouldn't be bothered by anything. I knew she would also want to give me a lecture about my future and that was one topic I hadn't had with Liv yet.

"Olivia?" I shook her slightly.

She'd just fallen asleep after getting into her zone, writing up this story she'd been so excited about.

I loved the look on her face when she worked on her writing. She looked so... focused and passionate. She'd bite her lip if she was contemplating or twist it sideways if she didn't like something, her eyebrows would stay knitted together and she'd be as quiet as a mouse and that always tempted me to want to bother her but I never did. I used that quiet time to do some thinking and I needed her input because she would be a part of any decision I'd make from now on.

"Olivia." I shook her again.

"Hmm?" She rolled over and looked at me with an annoyed look on her face.

"Were you asleep?"

She gave me a look and I knew that I'd just asked a stupid question.

"I need to talk to you about something." I said.

"Out with it." She said, "What's bothering you, Bieber?"

"The other day I spoke to my mom and she got me thinking," I said, "About my life; my future."

"What about it?"

"Exactly. I don't know what I want."

Liv began to sit up.

"You can't not know what you want, Justin. That doesn't make any sense."

"Okay, I'm at a crossroads."

"Okay?"

"A part of me likes this simple life. I have you, we have this little apartment and I have a simple job and I'm humble and grateful all over again. Like, I go to sleep with the biggest smile on my face because of how easy life is again."

"But?"

"But I don't want to be a mechanic forever and the problem is that I can't get a better job because... well, I want us to someday move out of this apartment and actually get a house of our own. I want to buy a car but not just any car, you know? It can't be some... tin coffin on wheels. I want to be more involved, financially, because I feel guilty easily when I use up other people's things that I didn't have a hand in bringing in."

"What's the other part of you saying?"

"I want my old life back: the money and all that came with it. Well, most of the stuff. I want to be able to buy you a better car-- no offence-- and a house you could only dream of. I want to travel the world with you so you can be inspired to write more stories. I never want you to think that your life will ever go back to the way it used to be; I want you to never have to worry about tomorrow."

"What about your music career?"

"I don't think I want to be famous anymore, Liv."

"Then, Justin, what's the point of you writing music?"

I never thought of that.

"I just... it's therapeutic, I guess." I shrugged, "wait, how do you know about that?"

"You hum and mumble the words sometimes in your sleep." Liv smiled, "What I'm trying to say is that writing sentences in your journal is therapy, baby. No one sits down to plan out an entire song just for the fun of it, unless they have a greater purpose for it."