For Better, For Worse (BWWM) | COMPLETE ✔

✔ Twenty: "Hi, mom."

Justin

'dear mom,' I'd written down the first two words on my letter to my mom. I'd sat in the kitchen at the counter, trying to find the right things to say to explain my decision and disappearance. It wasn't easy for me, in fact I'd stayed up most of the night just pacing back and forth, trying to think. What if I said too little? What if I said too much? What if I didn't say enough and she blamed herself for everything?

I knew that I had to explain as much as I could: why I did what I did, how it changed me, add a bit of details about Olivia but not too much, and also say how much I missed everyone. It was hard to put all those feeling down in ink but once I started, I couldn't stop. My aim was to say all that I could so I could avoid a face to face confrontation if the day came that I saw my mom again.

I was thinking about Liv's trip as I stared blankly into space while sitting on the couch. She hadn't called to let me know how it was going or if she even found my mom and that was worrying. I had a million thoughts just floating around in my mind and none of them were positive.

There was a knock on the door and suddenly my nerves picked up.

'Okay, Liv wouldn't knock.' I reminded myself, so I knew it wasn't her. That made me even more nervous. What if it were a family member of hers? What would I say?

"Jay? It's Jocelyn. Olivia sent me."

I bit my lip and walked over to the door to unlock it and let Jocelyn in.

"Hi." I said to her.

"You really do live here. Hey." Jocelyn walked in. She was holding a bag of food.

I watched as she went to put the food in the kitchen then she turned around to have a good look at me.

"You're looking good." She smiled. "How are you?"

"I'm... fine, I guess."

"That's good. You adapting well here? Liv's not giving you a hard time?"

"She's alright."

Jocelyn nodded.

"She asked me to come see how you were doing. I spoke to her yesterday."

"Oh. Did she tell you--"

"Where she is? No. I swear, she hides a lot of stuff from me. I have to drag it out of her." Jocelyn chuckled lightly.

"It's my fault." I admitted. "I like things to stay private."

"Yeah, I noticed."

"She's gone to find my family." I told her, "My mom."

"O-Oh."

"Yeah. If she's worried that I'm dying from anxiety-- not knowing what's going on-- she's right." I tried to smile. "How was she when you spoke to her?"

"She sounded sad. She didn't tell me what was going on but she said she wanted to come back already."

My heart dropped and I thought that maybe her trip was for nothing.

"Oh."

'I knew it!', I thought.

"She'll call you some time to let you know how things are going.  Maybe she was just having a bad day or was tired. Traveling does that to people sometimes."

I nodded.

"Hey," Jocelyn smiled at me, "Don't be sad about it. Look, you have Olivia at the end of the day. I'm pretty sure she'll move mountains for you. If she didn't find your mom, she'll keep looking. She doesn't want to disappoint you."