Totally Awesome Harry Potter One Shots!

The Talk ( you know which one I mean)

AN~ Hey people! How are you? I am wonderful. Just saying. Anyway I hope you are enjoying my oneshots. My one shots are probably gona get to 1000 reads before my other story whih makes me kinda sad. I updated my other story and it didn't go up one read. I think all my fans are from this story (which is understand able cause my other story kida sucks) but I could still like to get them both to 1000. Anyway... This is over the summer of going into fifth year.... so Sirius is still alive... Yah.

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Sirius Black was walking past the God-horrid picture of his mother. For once she was not blowing up yelling about mudbloods and halfbreeds. That all ended quickly. *Ding Dong* "HORRID DISGUSTING MUDBLOODS STAYING IN THE NOBAL HOUSE OF BLACK! BACK STABING SON LIVING IN A HOUSE WERE HE IS NOT WANTED!!!!" The painting of Mrs.Black yelled out. "All shut up." Sirius said with a scowl then went to yell at the idiot who forgot that they arn't suppost to ring the bell. He opened the door ready to give a good lashing at the person but soon found different words coming out.

"Harry! Its so good to see you!" Sirius said with a smile glad to see his godson. "Sirius it's good to see you too!" Harry said and was about to say something else but was cut of when Sirius gave him a hug. Every thing was nice... until Harry heard the swearing. "Umm Sirius... who is that yelling?" He asked his godfather. Sirius brought Harry to the painting of the screaming witch.

"Harry this is my lovely mum." Sirius said as he tried to pull the curtin. Harry noting his struggle to pull it shut he ran over and together they were able to shut the old bag up. "Sirius I gotta say, I wouldn't use the word lovely to discribe your mother.

~After Dinner, (I don't feel like typing bout dinner yets just say it was uneventful)~

Sirius and Harry were looking at the Black Family-Family Tree. "And this is where my lovely mother burned my face out of the family tree, and on that same day I moved in with your dad." Sirius told Harry, showing him the sumwhat long and very disgusting family tree (as saying because of Bellatrix). "Again Sirius lovely isn't the first word that pop's into my head." Harry commented remembering the screaming Mrs.Black. "Haha, What would be the first word that pop's into your head?" Sirius asked Harry while still chuckling a bit at the boys cheek.

"Crazy Old Hag."

"HAHAHA!!" Sirius said clucking his gut cause it had started to hurt. "Oh Harry, your dad said the exact words to me when I was discribing my mum." Sirius soon gve up on standing and just fell to the floor. Harry looked at his godfather with a bit of worry. "Sirius it wasn't that funny." He said looking down at the still giggling figure that was on the floor. "True but what I was thinking of was what I said back to him." Sirius said which cause another set of laughing. "What did you say?" Asked Harry already picturing himself laughing on the ground next to him.

"I don't remember."

~Five minutes later where both children were on the floor laughing~

Harry accepted Sirius' hand to get up. After rolling on the floor for five minutes, in which Mrs.Weasley walked in, very conserned, and Ron and Hermione, who were confused but then left for Ron wanted food...again. "Now Harry there's something I've been meaning to talk with you about.... how old are you?" Sirius stated then asked Harry. "Are you serious?" Harry asked. Sirius looked down at himself and started examining his hands and rubbing his head. "Yes I do think I am Sirius." He answered with a smirk. "Now please answer my question. How old are you?" Sirius asked again.

"Fifteen." Harry asnwered after a long look at his not so serious but Sirius godfather. "Damn." Harry heard Sirius curse under his breath. "Why?" Asked an confused and slightly worryied Harry. "Well... follow me." Sirius said directing Harry to come with him.

They walked up a couple flights of stairs until they were at Sirius' room, which they then entered. "Harry please sit down, its time we have a little talk." Harry sat down and looked at his Sirius before asking "What about?" Sirius hesitated at first but then contuined. "You have reached a point in your life were girls might seem... attractive.... in more then just one way." Sirius said watching Harry and waiting for his reaction when he found out what this little talk was about. Harry just looked at his godfather with a confused and sumwhat blank expression on his face. Sirius then went on to a different tactic.

"Harry... do you know where babies come from?" Harry was a little shocked at the question ast which Sirius had just asked him. "To an extent...."Harry answered, and started to get worried, for he started to think what this talk was. "Then do you know what mommy's and daddy's do to errm... make the baby?" Sirius pressed on starting to get very occward. Then realization crossed Harry's face. "Sirius. Are you trying to give me the Talk?"

"If you want to put it that way then yes. I am giving you the talk." At these words Harry's face flashed from disgust to just an plain odd face. "Oh Sirius. Really?" Harry asked hoping to get out of the sistuation as fast as he could. "Yes really Harry. Ok so you know what this is about right?" Sirius asked. "Wish I didn't" Was the asnwer he got in return. "Then just wait... for the right moment... with the right girl..." Then Sirius paused for a moment "Or boy?"

"Ugg SIRIUS!!!"

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Hope you liked it! I had no idea how I was gona end this SUPER occward one shot. I felt so weird writing it. Bear421 found my notes while she was at my house and she saw this and she just burst out laughing, then she was like "YOUR GONNA HAVE SIRIUS GIVE HARRY THE TALK?HAHAHAHA" I didn't know what to think of that... i also didn't know how i was gonna end it then that ending came into my head, but don't get the worng idea! I find nothing wrong with gay couples... that might b how it seems but plz dont think that. ANYWAY TO STOP EVERYTHING FROM BEING SUPER WEIRD!! COMMENT!!!!