Conversations Around the Holy Hand Grenade

Change the Bible

"If you could remove one story from the Bible, which one would it be?"

"I wouldn't change any of it."

"Really? Are you sure? I mean, there's some pretty bad stuff in there. I mean if you could remove a part in such a way that it had never been there in the first place, and that way you wouldn't be guilty of any blasphemy or anything."

"I wouldn't change any of it."

"Well, I would. First would be deleting that story about the Levite chasing his concubine across the countryside, staying overnight and having a bunch of men come around after dark demanding the homeowner release his guest to them so they could rape him. Then the guy says no, that would be disgusting, you should take my teenage daughters instead. Or maybe my houseguest's concubine. That would be much better. So after this violent night that ends in the death of the concubine, the Levite literally cuts her into pieces and sends the parts around the country, essentially in a declaration of war. That story. I would delete that story."

"It's a sin to change the Bible."

"Is it also a sin to want to change the Bible?"

"Well, even if we only commit a sin in our hearts, it still counts."

"So it's a sin to question things?"

"Sometimes, yes."

"How about this. Let's say in 1500 BCE or so, when the Bible had not been written down in the least bit yet. Would it have been ok to question things then?"

"That's different. We have the Bible now, they didn't then."

"Did the rules on doubt or questioning change?"

"Well..."

"Even if I come to understand this story, I'm sure I could tell a different one that would have the same moral to it, only clearer. And without quite so much focus on rape and murder. Just sayin'."