Love Is A Shining Star

CHAPTER FORTY FIVE

Laura's POV

"I have never loved you! I don't love you and never will!" he said it in a low, yet booming, voice. Those words ripped through my entire being. My legs were weak and my heart thumping. I wanted to cry and scream and kick and punch him. I wanted to scream that I had loved him for a whole year! And yet, I was nothing but a toy for him. I wanted to get rid of the feelings, the thoughts, threatening to overflow and drown my sanity. You don't forget the pain of a knife twisting in your heart, not for a long time. The ease in which he said those words sickens me.

"I loved you! I fucking love you! My eyes were always on you but you are tearing me apart because you saw me kissing a guy who forced himself on me!"

I was crying but my body was stock still. The guarded look on his face showed that he didn't even know, or care, about the pain I was struggling with. I knew, I knew from the start, that our marriage was just a contract so we could both live a comfortable life, but our love was never a part of that contract. In my mind I scream, staring at Walter, 'Every single time you look at me with those cold eyes I want to kiss you! I want to make you stay with me forever! Walter, please don't tear me apart like this! Say once that you love me; once!'

In a blabbering mess I cry out, "It hurts! It hurts, Walter! Don't you see? You need me! We are supposed to be together!" Every one of those twelve deadly words he spoke pierced my heart like dull stitching needles.

Walter watched me cry, watched me tear apart. He didn't hug me or kiss me. He just watched as if I were a dramatic woman on some dumb reality show!

The sky chose then to open up as my heart's contents fell to the ground in a writhing pile of agony. Rain dumped down on my head, pulling me farther and farther undone like a child playing with a frayed blanket. The cold turned my body numb, but the heartless cavity in my chest took no notice.

"Say it again..." I said in a low tone because I wanted to hear it from him for the last time. In pure delusion, I hope that he will say my name and pull me close, as if this had all been one big prank. Alas, that didn't happen. There was no hope and relief in his sunken eyes when he looked down on me.

"I have never loved you!" he shouted as if to persuade himself. My heart stung in a sensation far from pleasure. I wiped my tears away roughly and bullied myself to not collapse in the rain puddles pooling at the foot of the front house steps. Walter had gone.

The butler stepped out into the rain to hug me. He didn't say anything, neither did I, but the pain and hopelessness on his face could not be washed away by the rain. He handed me my luggage and gently kissed the top of my forehead.

"Take care of yourself, please."

I hardly had the energy to nod to him, let alone walk away. I had nowhere to go. I was homeless! As the flood of everything I'd just experienced began to drown me, I felt nothing other than the pulsating desire to step in front of the first car to come down the street. It was a dark night and I, a lonely and vulnerable woman, was walking through the dark streets alone. The rain rested heavy on my shoulders, my breath coming in short bursts. There were no cabs along the road I walked. I was certain that my legs would not be able to carry me all the way to the main street and find a cab.

I wanted someone to hold me in their warm embrace before I collapsed. I wanted to cry and cry until I died in the middle of the very road I stood on. Love isn't a shining star for people like me. It's a dim light trying to brighten the dark ways but doesn't have enough power push through.

After half an hour I still walk, though now like a zombie. My head felt dizzy and everything seemed blurred either by tears or sickness. I could only make out the silhouette of a car parked with a man inside it. The man saw me and ran over but I couldn't figure out who he was before I fell into his arms and lost consciousnesses.