Magic || larry

11

Harry hates thinking about before but sometimes he can't help himself. He can't help but think of his younger self and how in love he once was with the world.

Harry loved all the seasons and the way they changed everything around him but still remained beautiful. He loved school and wanted to be a nurse. He loved books and movies and the bubbly feeling in his tummy right before he tried something new.

Harry had really and truly loved the world.

He remembers being small and chubby with his unruly hair and thinking that nothing would ever make him hate himself or anything around him. He thought the world was full of hope and happiness and it is - it truly is for certain people.

He's lying on his couch, his body curled under a blanket. He can't force himself to move and he just wants to sleep but he can't. Ricky stayed with him yesterday while he was sick but he had to work today. Harry is alone with his sudden illness. With this sudden numbing sadness that can't escape him.

He thinks about how Ricky has claimed him to be a cheater. It's happened before - when Harry lived in the Youth House for at-risk and homeless youth. Where he met Ricky. Where he fell in love.

He can feel the awful tug on his heart when he thinks of that house and why he was there. He never thought the beautiful world would turn on him but he's learned that anything he loves always does.

He wants to cry when he hears the knock on his door and he decides to just ignore it. He pulls the blanket over his head and tries to ignore his smell. He hasn't showered for two days and he really needs to. The shower is so far away though and he just wants to sleep on the couch...

The knock makes him close his eyes and he wishes and prays to anything to make it stop. He just wants to sit in silence in his own home. Why can't that happen?

He startles when he hears the door actually open and pulls the blanket down to see Louis looking at him from the doorway with confusion. Louis is honestly the last person Harry wants to see right now but his stomach still flips at the sight of him.

"Hey, are you okay?" Louis asks in worry and Harry just sighs and pulls the blanket back over his face.

"Yes. Go away," Harry tells him in monotone. His voice sounds foreign and disgusting even in his own ears. How can Ricky stand to live with him?

"I'm not going to just leave if you're sick. Do you want me to make you soup?" Louis' voice sounds so pretty and Harry wants him to leave his dark life and find a friend equally as pretty and bright.

"I'm not hungry," Harry replies back and he wants to cry. Will Louis actually leave? Why doesn't he really want him to go?

"Okay. Do you need any medication? I can maybe run you a bath?" Louis' sweet voice makes him choke back a sob and he hates him. He hates him for caring and being sweet and making Ricky hate him.

"I need you to stay away from me. Go away," Harry tells him and he means it. He needs Louis to leave his house and never return. He can fix things with Ricky if Louis just leaves.

He jumps when the blanket is pulled away from his face and Louis' blue eyes stare down at him. His face is showing so many emotions and Harry briefly wonders if he is doing the same. Can Harry read Ricky's face like this? Does Ricky ever let his guard down?

"I'm not leaving you. What's wrong?" Louis demands and Harry looks away from him.

"You're what's wrong. You're causing problems. Ricky knows you're coming around and he thinks I'm cheating and I'm not. So you need to go," Harry says sharply to his hardwood floor. He can't look Louis in the face and tell him to leave. That alone scares him.

"Your boyfriend should trust you enough to know you're loyal. He's trying to isolate you," Louis tells him sharply back and Harry looks up and sees his pretty, fairy like face is twisted in anger.

"He's not. He's just protective. I've been through a lot and he doesn't want me hurt and he doesn't trust you. You need to leave," Harry insists weakly. He wishes his voice wouldn't crack and his heart wouldn't tremble at the thought of watching Louis walk out his front door.

"Do you trust me though? I don't give a fuck about what that dick thinks," Louis says seriously and Harry bites his lip and leans his head back against the soft pillow underneath his head.

"Please, don't make this difficult for me. I'm already struggling," Harry whispers and he wants to gobble those words back but he can't.

"Harry, let me help. You can trust me," Louis promises, his voice so sincere and vulnerable.

"I do trust you. I just don't want to lose him over this," Harry admits and the words linger in the air. Harry's worried he may have said something wrong and his eyes scan Louis' face but nothing changes.

"If you lose him over this than he's not worth having. Don't let him turn you into this," Louis pleads and Harry can feel tears pricking his eyes. Why can't he just force Louis out? He could tell him he hates him and never wants to see him again but he really can't.

"I love him," Harry says and it sounds so forced even to his own ears. He waits for Louis to call him out but the man just smiles sadly down at him.

"I know. How about we get you into the shower? That'll make you feel really good," Louis urges and Harry knows he smells awful. He nods and slowly stands to his feet. Louis offers him an encouraging smile and Harry just shuffles off into his washroom and shuts the door.

He strips down and turns on the water. He doesn't even look in the mirror because he knows he looks disgusting right now. He just gets under the warm water and lets it run along his pale skin. He cleans himself thoroughly and inhales the fresh scent of his soap. He does feel better being clean and when he steps out of the shower he looks in the mirror. He's paler than usual but nothing bad. He looks like himself.

He leaves the washroom with a towel around his waist and notices Louis in his kitchen. He just scurries by and runs into his room. He puts on a pair of grey track pants and a hoodie, feeling comfortable and warm. When he emerges from his bedroom he notices that there's juice on his kitchen table and a sandwich. His stomach growls at the sight.

"I know you said you're not hungry but I thought I'd make you something just in case," Louis smiles and Harry hates how the smile warms his heart and makes his sadness slowly ease. It's still there but he's reminded again that the world has beautiful things within it. It has Louis.

He walks to the table and sits down. Louis continues to stand and Harry gestures for him to take a seat. The man does quickly and he watches as Harry takes a large bite out of the food in front of him.

"I return to school next week, by the way. I won't be able to stop by as much," Louis admits softly. Harry frowns around the bite in his mouth but does nothing else. He wanted Louis to leave so why does this hurt?

"We'll still see each other if you want. We're friends so I'd like to hang out sometimes," Louis smiles and Harry shifts in his seat and picks at his crust.
"Would you want that? Or would you want me to just not come back?" Louis questions and Harry feels sick at the idea of not having Louis around to talk to. He remembers the time before Louis and his friends moved in. He remembers how lonely he felt.

"I-" Harry cuts himself off and he feels like a traitor no matter what he says. He can't ever win. "I'd like to see you sometimes. I'd miss you," Harry mumbles because it's the truth. He can't win either way so he should just be honest.

"I'd miss you too. I'll be really busy with school so it won't be all the time like now. It might help the whole boyfriend thing," Louis tells him with fake cheeriness and Harry frowns at his plate.

"Maybe. Thank you for this too. Honestly, it helped having you come over," Harry confesses and he looks up to see Louis giving him a small smile.

"You don't have to thank me. I'd do a whole lot for you, Harry. I care about you," Louis reassures him and Harry for once doesn't doubt these words.

He realizes then that he trusts Louis Tomlinson probably more than anyone.