Magic || larry

17

"I'll miss you," Harry mumbles feebly, watching his boyfriend double check his bags. Their little fight about him leaving has left things worse than before. At least Ricky touched him before - even if it felt forced. At least he talked to him - even if the conversations were short and awkward. At least there was room for Harry to pretend everything was okay.

"You'll be good for the week?" Ricky asks, his voice sounding more like a strict parent than a worried lover.

"Should be. Call me when you land?" Harry asks, his voice betraying his desperation. It's his fault that they're like this. He yelled at him about his father and then yelled at him about leaving for work. Harry messed all of this up.

"Sure. I better head out. Don't want to miss the flight," Ricky tells him, his voice gruff. He grabs his bags and starts to head to the door and Harry's heart moves to his throat as the man walks passed him.

"Don't I get a kiss?" He tries not to cry but his voice is thick and his eyes wet. He can hear the man sigh and then he drops his bags and turns to face him. His face holds nothing. No anger, no love. He just looks bored. Bored of Harry and this life and guilt fills Harry in more. He just wants to be good enough for him and he can't be.

Ricky kisses him, trying to make it quick but Harry clings to him. He wants to make the moment last, make him remember that Harry is his and only his. Harry can feel his heart plummet as the man still pulls away from him, leaving Harry feeling stupid and vulnerable.

"I hope you have a good flight. I love-" his words are cut off by the door slamming and he stands there, his mouth still forming the word 'you'. He can hear the car doors opening and closing and he waits, praying that the man will come back in and apologize and tell Harry he loves him and needs him. He keeps standing there, his body frozen as the car starts and he hears the tires squeal as he pulls away from him. He stands frozen as the world falls deathly silent around him.

It's the faint sound of laughter from next door that wakes him up. The sound of happy people, living happy lives. He lets the tears that have been pooling fall angrily down his face and he picks up Ricky's nearest empty whiskey bottle and hurtles it at the wall. The sound echoes around the room and glass shatters along the floor. Harry screams as he picks up another bottle and repeats throwing it so the shattering of the bottle quiets the shattering of his heart. His sobs shake his whole body and he sinks to the floor, burying his face in his hands.

"Why doesn't he love me? Why am I not enough?" Harry cries, his words sounding muffled and weak.

He's the one that caused this. He constantly asks for too much and complains about everything. Ricky tries so hard and Harry doesn't appreciate anything. Harry just daydreams about a boy with blue eyes when the man that saved him is here. Harry is disgusting and weak and not good enough. He couldn't even be supportive about him leaving for work. Couldn't even give up Louis after he gave up Sarah. Couldn't even relive him from his horrible past when they got into a fight.

A crash of thunder stirs Harry from his thoughts and he listens as the sound of sudden and hard rainfall hit his windows. The weather has been humid and sticky so the sudden storm isn't a surprise. Harry slowly stands to his feet and looks at all the glass on the floor. He's too tired to pick it up and he walks out his side door to avoid stepping on it. He has no shoes and the rain is cold as it pelts his face. He moves towards his garden almost in a trance and sees the sunflowers Ricky bought him months ago. They're dying and Harry feels his anger build within him.

He moves forward and he rips one out of the ground, his wet hair falling in his face and his tears warm against his cold skin. Lightening lights up the sky and then a loud crack of thunder rumbles around him as he continues to rip and tear all his hard work from the summer. All this work he put into his garden and yet it's dying. Leaving him and he hates it. He hates it for not staying alive and being with him and keeping his world beautiful. He's mad that he put so much effort into this garden and tried so hard and all it did was give him a few months of happiness. A few moments of bliss and beauty and care each year.