How Ironic (laurmani)

18

Normani's POV:
   I walked back into my room after I stood in the hallway for a few minutes panicking. "How is she?" Lauren questioned sounding the least bit concerned. "Uh.. She's good" I answered nervously. "Wow that easy huh? What'd you do to make her feel better that fast? You must have superpowers" she said joking. 'Oh god' I gulped "Nothing! Just talked. I-I mean it's good to have somebody listen to your side of the story you know?..". She laughed "Yeah I get it mani, calm down. Now come here" she held her arms out and I crawled in to our bed and found my spot in between them. I felt so guilty for what I did, guilty and confused. Why did I kiss her?
     Lauren fell asleep but I couldn't. I laid staring at her, at my beautiful girlfriend that I am taking for granted and questioning my feelings towards her. She absolutely couldn't find out what happened, it would crush her heart. That's the last thing I wanted to do. Even though she kissed that girl in the club I know it didn't mean anything. This kiss with Dinah did, I'm not sure exactly what in meant but I meant something to me. I imagined Dinah being in my life forever at my side but as my partner in crime, not my actual partner. But as I think about it nothing would be wrong with that at all. She's the person that knows most about me, I told her every single thing. She was always there when I needed her the most. Being with Dinah would be strangely comforting and familiar. And then there's Lauren my mysterious green eyed lover. I was intrigued with her from the start. She knew what she wanted which was me and she went after it. I fell for her and she proved time and time again that I meant the world to her. I wouldn't leave her for Dinah.. I couldn't.
    Three days passed and I went along pretending nothing ever happened. Dinah didn't try to contact me and I'm glad. Maybe she felt we both needed our space which was 100% accurate. I didn't even know what to say to her. Lauren tried to have sex with me last night and even though I wanted to so bad I couldn't. This guilt was just still burning inside of me. I left her in shock that night, neither one of us ever turned down sex with the other. She questioned and I told her that I was on my cycle to try and get in the clear. I'm not sure she believed by the look on her face but I doubted she knew my period cycle to a T.
      After leaving my morning class in the philosophy building I saw a tall girl with blonde hair strutting in my direction. I tried to hurry and re-enter the class room but I was stopped immediately by exiting students. To much of my dismay we made eye contact. I tried to look away quickly but she had already saw me. "Hey.. Dinah" I said scratching my head. "Hey..." She responded and there was an awkward silence. "Look about what happened-" I started to speak but she cut me off. "Listen mani, you don't have to say anything. If we're meant to be which I know we are, it'll happen. I'll continue to be here for you and do whatever it takes to make you happy". "Dinah I am happy... With Lauren" I responded. "Mani what if she leaves you? Have you thought of that?" She hissed through her teeth "I have been here, I will always be here! Mani" she started raising her voice. "Dinah, this is not the place for this" I snapped. "Sorry I'm done" she said holding her hands up in defense "It's just.. I love you Normani, I'm in love with you & I know you love me too that night proved to me. I saw it in your eyes". She was right but I couldn't let her know it "Dinah, you can't tell me how I feel or what I felt. It doesn't work that way. I have somewhere to be.. I'm so sorry". I hated leaving her like this but I had too. My options were very limited, this is becoming all to hard for me. I didn't want to hurt either one of them. I loved them both.
      I stayed out for most of that day even after my classes trying to find things to do to occupy myself. I even met up with Camila, even though her and Dinah didn't work out and it was because of me, surprisingly she had no grudge towards me. We were friends too and even before they started dating she knew about Dinah's feelings towards me to she probably prepared herself for a moment like that.
     I entered the room about 9 pm and Lauren sat at her desk. "Were you with.. Her?". "Who?" I questioned and she turned her face to meet me. Her eyes were bloodshot red and her cheeks puffy. "You know who the hell in talking about Normani! Dinah! Where you with her?!" She yelled out. I cleared my throat "No.. I was with Camila". "She told me Normani, how could you do this to me?" Tears rolled down her cheeks. I ran over to meet her "I'm so sorry Lauren, I didn't mean-". "Hold that shit Normani because Dinah is the last person I expect for you not to mean a kiss with. Out of all people her?! With you guy's history. Do want to be with her Normani?" Tears still flowed down her cheeks. "I- No.. No" I responded hesitantly. "You know what get the fuck out of here Normani!" She snapped. "Where the hell am I supposed to go? I live here" I responded. "Not my fucking problem"
     I gathered some stuff into a bag and made my way to the door. I looked back and Lauren and we made contact. I could see the pain in her eyes. They screamed 'Don't leave me Normani'. After a few seconds I turned back around and proceeded to exit the door even though everything in me wanted to stay. As soon as it shut I heard a huge crash as if she threw and broke something. She didn't think this plan fully through, if I'm not sleeping in my room where else would I have to go besides with Dinah. I couldn't even go with the more appropriate choice in Camila because she live on the other side of campus. I was heated with Dinah for telling but I had no other options. I knocked and she opened. I walked in walking straight passed her and she already knew why I was there. "How could you Dinah?" I said giving her a death stare "If this is that way you go about getting the quote on quote love of your life, by ruining a perfectly fine relationship & breaking someone's heart over a mistake!". She looked up at me "Mistake?..". "Yes a mistake! We, us, this will never fucking be. Get that wrapped around your head. We're friends, bestfriends be grateful I'm even still calling you that! Because now my girlfriend is in our room crying her eyes out". "Normani you're the one that kissed me, I didn't ask you to!" She snapped back. "Oh please you were basically begging and pleading for me to". "I don't want to fight Normani, I was wrong.. you win. I'm tired im going to bed" she said and laid in her bed. I huffed at how easily she could dismiss a conversation about a problem that she was the root of. She had still not gotten a new roommate so I laid on the bed that was on the other side of the room. I knew I was in for another restless night, with thoughts roaming my head keeping me awake. I laid for hours just staring at the ceiling. Lauren ran through my mind and I cried silently, I thought about losing her. What if she never forgave me for this. By time I had finally dozed off I lost track of time.