band oneshots ✧ boy x boy

Miserable At Best-Frerard

A/U: "without you id be miserable at best."

(anything in italics are song lyrics)
__________________________

"Frank don't cry, I know you're trying your hardest and the hardest part is letting go of the nights we shared." Gerard sighed not daring to look Frank in the eyes. Tears were threatening to spill from his eyes and saying this aloud made his heart shatter into s million pieces.

"Gee, please don't do this! You can't be breaking up with me, w-we'll make this work! We can skype and text and-" tears began to fall from Frank's eyes. Gerard and him had been dating since junior year of high school and they were practically inseparable.

"Ocala is calling, I can't decline this opportunity. It's my dream, Frank!" The two boys were an absolute mess, both sitting on the couch in Gerard's living room with tears streaming down their faces.

Gerard had gotten a scholarship to an art school in Ocala and this has been all he wanted since Freshmen year of high school. He loved Frank, and Frank loved him, but he wasn't going to give up on an opportunity like this.

"-and you know it's haunting but compared to your eyes nothing shines quite as bright." Gerard needed to jump at the opportunity, he couldn't stay in New Jersey much longer, he had a bright career awaiting him.

"Ple-ease, Gerard, don't do this; we can make it work! Lots of people have long distance relationships!" Frank had fallen to the floor out of shock and sadness. He never thought this moment would come, truthfully he hoped they would grow old together.

"Frank, these words were never easier for me to say or for you to second guess." His eyes' were red and puffy from crying so hard. He really didn't want it to end like this but he had no other choice. Gerard faced the fact he had no other way into college, this was his only option.

"I love you, Gerard! I always will love you and nothing can stop me from loving you. Not school, not distance, not anything! I need you to believe in us, please!"

"I'm sorry, Frank but without you I'd be miserable at best."
__________________________

Frank sat at his messy desk, he's been missing Gerard more than ever. He recently found out Gerard had already moved on through a Facebook status update. Sure, it's been six months but Frank hasn't expected the other to find someone so soon.

"Dear Gerard,

It's been six months since you left. I heard you got a new boyfriend, his name is Bert. I'm happy for you, I truly am. I hope he treats you well, you deserve it. I'm alone tonight, I wasn't ready to move on just yet and I didn't expect you to be as well. But that's okay, I guess.

Lets not pretend that you're alone tonight, I know he's there and I bet you're hanging out and making eyes. You're probably with Bert right now and I truly hope you're enjoying your time together. Obviously I still miss you, but I'm glad you found someone else that makes you happy.

I wonder if you're at a club together right now. I remember how much you liked partying and college is full of parties. I bet he gets the nerve the walk to the floor and ask you to dance, and you'll say yes. I wish it was me dancing with you and not him. I wish it was me holding your hand but the sad truth is that it's his and probably never will be me again.

I can live without you but without you I'd be miserable at best. I guess I understand where you were coming from when you wanted to end our relationship. You didn't want me to wait all this time for you but I would of. I would wait one hundred years if I truly had to.

You're all I hoped to find in every single way. You were just like a fantasy, you were the best boyfriend I could ever have. You cared about me to the extent you would put my happiness before your's. You loved me unconditionally and it saddens me our relationship ended like this.

Everything I would give is everything you couldn't take. I would give my time, you couldn't take that from me. I would give all my happiness just to make you smile but you never accepted it.

'Cause nothing feels like home, you're a thousand miles away. I lived here all my life but ever since you left it felt  like a stranger. You were my home and now that you're gone I'm homeless. Just traveling as a way to get by.

The hardest part of living is just taking breaths to stay. I never expected our separation to take such a toll on me, I've been craving your company a lot more often than I thought.

And this'll be the first time in six months that I'll talk to you but I can't speak. I never had the courage to call and see how you were doing but I guess it didn't bother you so much since you never made an effort to check in on me. I'm afraid that if I do, I'll realize how much I love you but how much you don't love me back.

It's been three whole days since I've had sleep. Since I dream of him lips on your cheek. Every time my eyes flutter close, images of you two together play through my head. It the worst nightmare I've had yet.

And I got the point that I should leave you alone but we both know that I'm not that strong. I've wrote the letters to you but I never sent them. I was afraid you'd be disappointed in the progress I haven't made since you left.

And I miss the lips that made me fly. Whenever our lips collided it felt like fireworks were going off inside me. It felt as if all my worries were drifted off into space. I know I'll never experience that again.

And I can live without you but without you I'd be miserable at best. I love you Gerard, and I'm sorry if you can't see that but I will never stop loving you for as long as I live.

Love,
Frank."

Three months later and the letter never was sent, piled up with weeks worth of emotions Frank dared not to reveal.