Soul Mates (Tori Kelly)

Chapter 25

Lynnon's POV

I walk up Tori's front door and I ring the doorbell. Tori and Papa Kellz are leaving for New York soon since Tori is going to be the musical act on Jimmy Fallon. She asked me to go with her, but I don't want to miss any more work after being out so much when I was recovering.

The door opens and there's Tori on the other side with her phone pressed to her ear, "I'm not being dramatic. Will you just...thank you. Bye." She hangs up the phone and smiles at me warmly.

I flash her a small smile before asking, "Who was that?"

"Just Kamari," she answers, shrugging her shoulders lazily.

I hum in acknowledgement and I lean forward to kiss her on the cheek. When I pull away I can see the disappointment in her eyes and I quickly avert my eyes away when I see her mom walk by. "Hey, mama Kellz," I greet. I give Tori's hand a gently squeeze as I walk by her and I don't miss the sad sigh she lets out before closing the door.

"Hey, Lyn!" She takes a detour from wherever she was going and gives me a hug.

The whole hour that I'm visiting, I try my best to be there and engaging, especially with Tori. I know she sense that something is wrong, but how can I tell her that I feel like all that's happened with Brandon is my fault? All she's going to say is that isn't and I shouldn't think like that when I know it's the truth.

Tori walks me back out to my car when it's time for them to leave and wraps her arms around my neck. I allow myself to relax into the embrace, briefly breaking this wall that I've built to protect her.

"I'll miss you," she mumbles in the crook of my neck.

"I'll miss you too, Tor."

She pulls away and her eyes instantly fall to my lips and I know she wants to kiss me, but she's a bit hesitant about doing it. I know how messed up it is that I've made my own girlfriend feel that she has to second guess whether or not she can kiss me, but that's where we are and I can't seem to find it in myself to change it.

Nevertheless, my yearning to give her what she wants and to kiss her over powers my troubling feelings of needing to keep her at a distance, and I capture her lips in mine. Her arms tighten around me, pulling me impossibly closer to her, and she's kissing me like it's the last thing she'll ever do.

The guilt of how I'm being towards her starts to weigh on me heavy, so when she breaks away from the kiss, I hastily connect our lips again and I deepen it, not caring that her parents could walk out their front door at any second and catch us making out.

******

Later that night, I wake up in a cold sweat after having another nightmare. I can never see the person who is shooting me, but every time right before it happens, I hear Brandon's voice telling me 'This is all your fault'. It's really starting to become annoying because I got it already. I've come to terms with the fact that it's my fault, but these damn nightmares just won't go away.

I look over to the other side of the bed and I flop back down on the mattress when I don't see Tori there. Usually seeing that she's okay and lying next to me helps me calm down a bit, but she's all the way in New York. I check the time, reading that it's half past twelve, and with the time difference I know that she's sleeping, so I ditch the idea of calling her.

I lie in bed, trying my hardest to fall back asleep, but every time I close my eyes, all I see are flashback of that night. I pull the covers off of me and swing my legs over the edge of the bed. I place my head in my hands and I rub at my tired eyes before getting up walking into my kitchen. I look inside the cabinet where I keep all my canned foods and I move them to side to find an unopen bottle of Paul Masson Brandy. I had it one time with my friend Jason and it's the smoothest brown liquor I have ever tasted.