Soul Mates (Tori Kelly)

Chapter 38

Lynnon's POV

I push my way through the sea of people to get back to the bachelorette party when really all I want to do is go home. I was having such a great night and I was actually enjoying myself, but Tori just had to stir up all the crap that has gone down between us.

The moment I saw her standing there I immediately put up all these walls because finally seeing her again made it extremely hard to ignore how much I still love her and miss her, but there's just so much hurt between us. I'm trying to move past that to move on with my life, but in the back of mind I know that there will never be anyone I can find that can replace Tori. But, that's also the thing, I'm not looking to replace her or find someone to make me feel what she does.

I walk up to where everyone is sitting and all I can focus on is all the drinks that are everywhere and it feels like I'm sitting right back at the bar at the resort. All the anger, hurt, and sadness I felt that night feels like it's weighing down on me tenfold and this is why I've been wanting to avoid Tori. Everything she makes me feel is so overwhelming and I know I need to leave before I slip up again. 

Just as I'm about to walk away, I feel someone snake their hands around my waist so I turn around, coming face to face with Nickayla. "Dance with me."

"Not now, Nickayla." I roughly remove her hands from around my waist and she shoots me a questioning stare. I glance back at everyone, locking eyes with Dinah for a second, then I make my way towards the exit of the lounge.

"Hey! Lynnon, hold up!" Dinah yells from behind me.

"Lynnie!"

I finally make it outside and I feel like I'm finally able to breathe when the slight chill of the night air hits my face. I close my eyes, leaning my head back as I just focus on my breathing and the sound of Dinah and Jasmine's heels clicking along the concrete.

Dinah gently grabs my arm and I open my eyes, meeting their inquisitive stares. "What happened? What's wrong?"

"Tori's what's wrong." I figured finally seeing Tori for the first time since Jamaica that I would be hit with a whirlwind of emotions, but I wasn't expecting it to be here, tonight. She just completely blindsided me in there.

"She's here," Jasmine asks.

"Yeah. I mean, she was, but I don't know if she still is." I take a few steps back to lean against the car that's parked behind me and I hope whoever it belongs to doesn't come outside right now, "I just had to get out of there. Being around all that right now–I don't want to end up drinking."

Dr. Feeney and I have been talking a lot about me actually facing my feelings and not running away from them by drinking, but that's seems real easy when you're just talking about it. I've had a few urges here and there, but nothing like right now.

I've been avoiding how I feel by just ignoring it and being angry with Tori, but I know I need to just let myself feel how much this still hurts in order to let it go. Seeing her reminded me of that and of how much I do miss her, but I just feel like that's to be expected, so I'm trying not to read too much into it.

"Alright. How about we talk a walk? There's a burger joint around the corner, so let's grab some food and talk," Dinah suggest and I waste no time agreeing to it.

I'm pretty quiet the whole walk to what just ended up being a McDonald's and I'm sure Kamari would not be happy with me eating this, but a large McDonald's fry sounds so good right now. Dinah and Jasmine carry on some small talk as my mind wonders to how I was towards Tori and I start to feel so bad. I was so mean to her, but it was like I couldn't stop myself, or maybe I just didn't try hard enough to. I don't know.