Soul Mates (Tori Kelly)

Chapter 30

       

Lynnon's POV

I don't know how long I've been waiting for Tori to answer me, but it might as well be a lifetime. Tori having to take the time to think about her answer can't be good. I knew just showing up here after all this time that Tori would be somewhat apprehensive about letting me back into her life, but I never thought she would be this skeptical.

I watch as her silky curls are blowing in the light breeze and she's wearing her favorite olive green jacket that drapes itself perfectly over her body. I take a small step forward, the want to be close to her and to hold her growing the longer I stand here in front of her.

Just as I'm about to speak up and apologize for just showing up out of the blue with all of this, Tori unfolds her arms and lets them loosely hug around her body. A sad, small grin graces her lips for a quick second and I lower my gaze because I know she's about to say she doesn't feel the same anymore, completely shattering my heart.   

"Of course I do. I never stopped, Lynnon." My eyes dart up to meet hers and I'm barely able to curl the corners of my mouth up before I see the small, glum shake of her head. "No matter what I was doing or who I was with, every second you were on my mind. I constantly thought about you, worried about you, missed you, and it hurt so bad. You broke my heart, Lynnon, and I don't know if I'm ready to give it back to you."

I open my mouth to say something, anything really, but I have no idea how to respond to that. Hearing Tori tell me that I broke her heart is something I never thought I would ever hear, something I thought I would never do, but her I am. 

Tori begins to walk past me and it causes me to snap out of my daze. I go to reach to grab her arm, but I pull my hand back because I don't want to step over any boundaries.

"Wait...Tori, please? Can you at least understand where I was coming from? I–"

"That's all I've been doing, Lynnon!" Tori hastily turns around with her eyebrows tightly knitted together and her teary eyes glaring at me. "I tried understanding everything! What you were going through, why you were being the way you were, how you were feeling, why you just cut me out of your life, but once did you try to understand where I was coming from? For one second did you ever take my feelings into consideration?"

"Yes, Tori. Every decision I made was because I thought I was doing what's best for you. I didn't want to keep hurting you anymore than I already was." I intently stare back into Tori's hurt filled eyes as my heart slowly descends into a bottomless pit. This conversation is not going at all how I had hoped it would. 

"You may have had my best interest at heart, but you making every decision for me wasn't fair, Lynnon. You decided you weren't good enough for me, you decided that I shouldn't fight for you, you decided that we needed to break up, you decided what was best for me, and you just had your mind so made up that there was nothing I could do but try and understand. When you asked me to wait for you I agreed because I didn't want you out of my life, but you took that away too," she says, wildly pointing her index finger at me. 

"Because I was being selfish. I didn't want to lose you either, but when I asked you that I also knew I wasn't ready to deal with all of my shit. I had no idea when I actually would, so how could I keep putting you through that? How could I keep hurting you? Don't you realize how hard that would've been?"

"But, it was my decision, Lynnon," Tori roughly jams her finger into her chest, "If I wanted to suffer through it and be there for you then why couldn't you just let me? So, no, I don't realize how hard it would've been because once again you made the decision for the both of us and just left. Without a word, a call, a text, nothing. I was willing to give you whatever space you needed, all you had to do was tell me. All I ever wanted was for you to just talk to me and let me in, not just shut me out. After everything we went through, how could you not understand that?"