My Second Chance

How do you Feel?

No one dies a virgin because life fucks us all. -Kurt Cobain

Boy, was he right. Life does fuck us all. It throws misery, heart break, crime, and so much more that good people don't deserve. Day in and day out life threw its toughest at me, and for a moment when it threw Linds, Gerard, and B at me, I thought all the bad in the world had vanished. They made me feel safe, loved, feelings I've lacked for so long. Of course, I couldn't have happiness. I couldn't feel safe. Why? Because life fucks us all.

The door opens, and the three people who gave me such comfort enter.

"Hey." Linds speaks quietly.

I don't answer. I haven't spoken a word in three days. I don't think I can anymore; I've lost all strength.

"Hi, Ray!" Bandit smiles.

I wave at her, not wanted to upset her by not responding.

"How you feeling, kid?" Linds asks, sitting down next to me. B sits at the end of the hospital bed, and Gerard leans against the wall, running his hand through his hair.

I give her a 'are you fucking kidding me?' look.

"What do you think?" I croak, voice scratchy. I reach for the plastic cup of water sitting on the table next to me, taking a swig.

"I'm sorry."

"Who did this to you?" Gerard speaks up, slight anger to his voice.

"It doesn't matter."

"It doesn't matter? Of course this matters, Razor! You were sexually assaulted, and if you don't start talking to us, you're going to have to talk to the police." He sighs, moving from the wall to next to my bed.

"They'll be wasting their time because like I said, it doesn't matter. None of this matters! I don't matter. This God damn baby doesn't matter. Nothing matters anymore!" My breathing quickens as I share my thoughts aloud. The pain in my chest that I've become oh so familiar with within the past month returns, and the little drops of salty water well up in my eyes.

Without a word, Gerard hugs me. His open arms embrace me, and for the first time in a month, even for just a mere spell, I feel safe. Linds and B join the hug, and I cry into Gee's chest.

How do I feel? I can't feel a fucking thing.

~~~

Sorry for the really short chapter, but the next one will be longer. Thanks for reading!