My Second Chance

We're not Broken, Just Bent

"Now, Miss Haven, this is a very serious matter. You need to tell us who assaulted you." Detective Jefferson leans in over the table to get closer to me.

I shake my head. Jason is a prick, but he doesn't deserve to be in prison. I'm suffering enough pain for the both of us.

"Miss Haven, if you give us a name, it is your desicion on whether or not you'd want to press charges. If you don't want to, we'd just bring the male or female in for questioning. Nine out of ten times a rapist is dealing with some mental issues, and if we can determine those issues, we can help them. If that's what you're worried about, you shouldn't be, because not only are you helping yourself, you're helping this other person."

"That's not what I'm worried about..." I mumble.

"Then what is it?"

Oh shit. He heard me? Ray, the sooner you talk, the sooner you can leave and get this dude out of your face.

"I-I know this man. I know that there's good in him, and I'm afraid it'll completely vanish if he gets put in jail. I'm afraid that he'll hurt my family if that good is gone." I admit, biting down on my thumb nail. It's a habit I've picked up since my parents died- biting my nails.

"We can assure you that your family will be safe. Remember, the police are only one phone call away." He raises his eyebrows, leaning back into his chair.

Then why didn't you prevent this from happening? There were houses around, people around, surely someone heard my cries for help, but no one called. No one helped me.

"This is bullshit," I snap, "What's the fucking point of taking him to jail if he won't feel remorse? Putting him in jail won't change the God damn fact that I was raped! I'm not gonna get back the safety, the innocence, the hope that I had! Not if he's in jail, or if he walks free on this pathetic earth. There's no point! You're just wasting my time with this shit!" I stand up, turning to leave.

"Miss Ha-"

"You're not getting a fucking name, and no charges will be pressed." I exit the interrogation room, meeting the Ways in the waiting room.

"How'd it go?" Gerard asks.

"I want to go home." I speak, anger reflecting from my voice.

He nods, and he and the girls stand up.

"Mr. and Mrs. Way!" Detective Jefferson calls, motioning them back to his office.

"You don't need to talk the them," I spin on my heels, "I told you this is over."

"Now, Ray-"

I cut Lindsey off, "If you're going to tell me to calm down, save it. I just want to leave, and I want to leave now."

"Come on, Linds. She wants to go." Gerard says quietly, resting his hand on the small of her back, guiding her out the main entrance.
Bandit and I follow them out to the car, the two of us getting into the backseat.

"Seatbelts." Lindsey reminds, obviously trying to avoid conversation on what just happened inside.

"Ray," B's small voice asks, "Why did you have to talked with cops?"

"B.." Gerard sighs.

"Someone hurt me, B. Really bad. They wanted to help, but they don't know how to. No one can help me, and people need to start understanding that." I whisper, staring out the window.

***

I smile at the comfort of my own room. Being stuck in that hospital for two weeks was Hell.

"I- uh- I put your medication in the bathroom." Lindsey pokes her head in my door.

I nod, leaving my back turned to her, arms crossed over my chest.

"Do you want to be alone?"

I nod again, and listen as her footsteps fade down the hallway into her and Gerard's bedroom.

Once I know everyone is doing their own things, I walk over to my mirror, turning sideways to observe my stomach. To think, there's a little ovum in there, developing into a human. I can't be a mother. I'm too young. I can't raise a child, having to carry the burden that their father will never be there for him or her. That their father never loved them or their mother. It's inhumane. A child should never be raised that way.
I close my eyes, absorbing it all in. I want to be alone, but I also don't. I want to avoid talking about Jason, but I also don't. Maybe if I keep it all in, I'll just explode and it'll all be over.

With a sigh, I head over to the bathroom, grabbing five pill bottles. Apparently these drugs are safe for the baby, but considering the amount of each I take, it won't survive. I look down at my stomach, then back at the pills. My health, or their health. I return the pills to the cabinet, deciding to go to Gerard and Linds' room. I stand at the door about to knock, but I hear a conversation revolving around me.

"We have to find out who did this to her. Ray deserves to feel safe when the son of a bitch is locked away." Gerard speaks.

"I totally agree with you, but we need to give her time and space. She needs to cope, and clearly she wants to do that on her own." Linds responds.

"Linds, we have to monitor her. What if she-"

"That's not going to happen, Gee. She's strong. She'll come to us eventually; we just have to let her figure things out."

"What if this happened to Bandit? You'd be all over it. Let's face it Linds, Ray is our responsibility now. She's our daughter, and that's how we need to treat her. We can't just let this go."

They really think of me as their daughter?

"You're right, Gee, she is our responsibility, and as a mother, I want to do what's best for her! As much as I'd like to see the sick fuck in jail, that's not what she wants, and as parents, we need to put her wants first. Just give it time. She'll talk to us when she's ready."

It's at that moment I decide to knock on the door. There's a few seconds of silence before Linds tells me to come in. As I enter their room, I notice their faces soften.

"Hey, Sweetie. What's up?" She smiles. 

"Can I talk to you guys?"

"Of course you can." Gerard answers, anticipation in his voice.

"His name is Jason."

Their eyes widen, surprised that I'm opening up.

"He's the guy who was giving me trouble in that diner Linds and I met at- my ex boyfriend."

The two clear a spot for me on the bed in between them, so I sit down.

"Will you be pressing charges?" Linds asks the obvious question.

"No." I answer simply.

"Ray, this is serious. His feelings don't matter right now. This is about you and justice." Gerard retaliates. 

"I don't give a shit about justice. I don't want him to hurt you guys."
"Ray, he's not going to hurt you or any of us. I promise you that. We're going to protect you and this family with all we've got, but it'll only make it easier if Jason is in jail."

Maybe Gerard's right. Maybe we'll be safer if he's locked up, but I'd be just as bad as him if I stole the last bit of good he still holds.