Mario Kart (Phan Smut)

20~ Five Nights

At Penises.

Yes I'm immature what you going to do about it *flips hat backwards*

So I've decided that, this story's ending relatively soon so why not turn up the- actually, I'll let you see.

Keep in mind,

You're the one reading a fanfiction where Mario is the villain.

Not me.

I mean I'm writing it but

SHUT UP ME

don't listen to me I'm just a teenage girl who likes to eat pizza and waste my life away stalking- er- listening to two British boys

*facepalm*

I'm going now.

(P.S. thanx for like 35 k views and 1 k comments it's nice to know I'm not alone being a failure)

***

*Dan's POV*

After a long day of being fucked, I decided it would be best for us both to go to sleep.

"But Daaaaan-" Phil whined after I started to leave his room.

"Don't start a sentence with buuuut," I mimicked his tone.

"You little shed. Do you have to go? Can't you stay in here tonight?" Phil asked, pleading.

I rolled my eyes. "You know I can't sleep with you here. It's against the laws. I'll be back bright and early tomorrow, I promise." I walked over and kissed his forehead. "Okay. I love you," Phil said, rubbing his nose against my cheek. "I love you too."

A ringing of slow claps echoed through the room. "What a lovely display of love. It makes a-me want to throw up." I turned around to see that the same hooded figure from before was standing in the doorway.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I asked. I admit, I was a bit scared.

The figure took a few steps into the room, the moonlight casting dark shadows on the floor. I noticed that the figure's shoes were hilariously large.

"I have a bit of unfinished business to take care of."

"At least tell us who you are?" I asked again.

The figure stood still and slowly removed his hood. First I saw a mustache. Then a nose. Then a big, red, plumber's hat.

"What the-" I spoke under my breath.

"It's-a me, Mario."

I stared at the person standing before me, which looked uncannily like Mario. I couldn't help but laugh.

"Really? You chose Mario as your disguise?" I laughed. I heard Phil giggling behind me.

"I didn't choose this. He did," Mario said, extending a gloved hand to point at Phil.

It hit me.

Before any of this, Phil and I were playing Mario Kart on DanAndPhilGAMES. Phil had chosen Mario a split second before I did. Now, somehow, Mario was standing before us. I looked back at Phil, and he looked confused.

Daww, he was so cute when he was clueless.

"So why are you here?" Phil asked, him obviously choking down his fear like a dick.

Daww, he was so cute when he was brave.

"You think us characters just forget how many times you kill us? How many times we fall to our death? Some of us have families, children even! We can't stand being killed anymore! It's time for us to kill..."

Oh my god. This is so incredibly stupid.

Mario raised a gun.

O shit waddup.

I grabbed the nozzle, which was pointed at Phil. "Waiwaiwaiwait."

Mario rolled his eyes. "What."

"What if we offer you a wager, a tournament even!" I was bluffing.

Mario sighed and motioned for me to continue.

I shot a nervous glance at Phil.

"Whhhhat if we play a round of Mario Kart? Winner doesn't die?!?" I knew where my roots are.

I was a gamer, who, hell YEAH, lived in an imaginary world with unreal characters, but it's something that made me, me. It has shaped my life, my career, even let me fall in love with my fiancé. Love is the most powerful force in the world, and I've got a 1-up mushroom. Anything for Phil.

"Fine, but-a he has to play," Mario said, referencing to Phil.

That was unexpected.

"No, you can't-" "I'll do it."

I looked back at Phil, who was now sitting up. He was tense and stiff, and his eyes were scared. He looked at me and gave a small nod.

Mario chucked and clapped twice. The TV turned on to show the Mario Kart course selector. Both the characters were already chosen, one, Mario, the other, a Mii that looks just like Phil.

Wow, I wonder who's who.

"I win, you and-a your husband die. You win, I go away for-a ever. Deal?"

"Well, technically we aren't married yet, but deal."

Phil crawled forward on his bed and grabbed a controller.

"I pick." Mario flipped through the courses and selected, of course, Rainbow Road. C'mon, Phil... hehe I did that before.

*Phil's POV*

I was extremely nervous. I was playing the hardest course against LITERAL MARIO. I've only won Mario Kart off of an All or Nothing before against Dan. I wish Dan was playing, he is so much better than me. The game started right away, no character select or car select.

Mario was so good, it drove me nuts.

With one lap left, I was in second, Mario in first. Heh, this kinda reminds me of that game I played with Dan a few months ago. I could see his car, and the finish line too.

I pressed a button and used my mega mushroom to speed past him at the last second. "YES!!" I heard Dan scream.

Mario looked surprised. "Wh-what? That cannot-a of happened!" Mario slammed down the controller.

Dan came up behind me and hugged me, kissing every part of my body he could on my face.

I looked back at Mario, or what was left of him. Only a plumber's hat remained. I looked back at Dan and saw his loving eyes. "I'm so proud of you."

***

Okay, next chapter is last chapter! Sorry for not uploading these past few days, a loved one had to go to the hospital so I was away from my phone for a while. They're fine now, though! Hopefully the last chapter will be up sometime this week.

Make sure to read all the way to the end of that chapter for exciting newssss!!

Bye, I love you all!!