Blue Eyes, Black Wings ((Castiel x Reader))

Hurt

By the time you had woken up, all the guests had left. It was already 2 in the afternoon and you were upset that you hadn't gotten to say goodbye, but that wasn't your biggest issue at the moment. Cas was.

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~Flashback to an hour before~

*****

Castiel still had you in his arms since you'd woken from that nightmare. Gently, he laid you down and covered you then went into the bathroom and just stared in the mirror for what seemed like an eternity. He was thinking about all the mistakes he'd made, how many times he'd put his friends' lives on the line, how much suffering and pain he'd caused. He kept thinking about your dream and about how he deserved to die for everything he'd done. How he wished he had been left in purgatory. He loved you and the Winchesters and he never wanted anything bad to happen to any of you he would do whatever it took to protect you three but deep down past all the love and friendship he received from you all, he wished that you guys would just forget about him. He'd hoped that Dean would just stop thinking about him while he was stuck in purgatory. He'd hoped that Sam would stop calling to him one day. He'd hoped that you would just not love him anymore. He knew he didn't deserve any of it and sometimes he wished you would all just toss him to the side like a child's old toy. Once loved, broken, and now unwanted. 

He was broken, he always had been. There was no changing that. He had kept up the wall for as long as he could, trying to hide his true feelings. That wall was crumbling and the angel knew it wouldn't be long until it came crashing down. 

The more he stared at himself the more he loathed himself. He couldn't take it anymore. His breathing had become hitched and he could feel his throat knotting up as warm tears stung his eyes. He tried wiping them away but they fell anyways, they rolled down his cheeks and splashed onto the sink. He took a deep breath when he heard your voice coming from outside the bathroom. 

"Cas? Is everything alright?" The broken angel plastered on a fake smile and opened the door. His bright blue eyes weren't shining like they always were. They seemed cold and dim."Hello (y/n)" Castiel spoke trying not to let his voice shake. He didn't want you to know he'd been crying, but you had figured he had been the moment he emerged from the bathroom. His eyes were red and puffy and there were still some stray tear stains on his cheek. 

You spoke softly in a sad tone, "baby...it's okay to cry." That was all it took for his cover to crash. The smile faded as he remembered every flaw about himself and his actions. Seeing his expression drop so fast, you quickly reacted and pulled him close into a tight and comforting hug. And then his cover burned. The tears fell again, faster and harder than before. He sobbed loudly and his shoulders were shaking. You ran your hand up and down his back as you tried to soothe him. He was shaking so badly that he had to use one hand to steady himself on the doorframe. He released you for a moment and collapsed on his knees, the sobs still rushing out. 

You quickly kneeled down with him and held him close. "Shhh it's okay baby...it's okay..." he was crying into your shoulder as you whispered into his ear still trying to calm him down. He calmed only slightly, just enough to barely whisper, "I'm sorry for everything (y/n)... I'm sorry. It's all my fault..everything. I could've gotten you killed...so many times.. I'm an awful friend and an even worse boyfriend...I've caused so much pain and damage and..honestly I don't know why you, Sam, and Dean are even my friends anymore..." he tried staying calm but he couldn't and kept crying. 

You hugged him tighter as tears started running down your cheeks as well. "Cas I'd love you no matter what...we all will. Don't you ever say something like that again..we are always going to be your friends... we are never going to leave you...never no matter what happens..family doesn't just abandon each other like that...at least ours doesn't.." 

You felt his face trying to form a smile. You smiled slightly, your now hitched breath jerking your body every few seconds. Once you'd both calmed down, you finally pulled away and just sat there looking at him with a sad smile while he did the same. 

"Castiel.. you are my one and only love. I will never abandon you. I'm gonna stay with you through thick and thin. We're gonna make it. We've made it this far so let's keep on making it." He nodded and you leaned in to kiss him. He put one hand on your waist and you rested one of your hands on his cheek and slowly slid it down to his neck. 

You found yourself in his lap after a moment, his raven black wings caressed gently around you both.