Amarth

Chapter 11

Living with Pallando was strange at first. I didn't trust him for the first few weeks and I mostly avoided him. He didn't seem to mind though, he still prepared all of my meals for me and gave me the freedom to do whatever I wanted.

I spent most of my time outside, enjoying the feel of the wind on my skin. I hadn't felt a cool breeze in so long that I had forgotten what it felt like.

I used to take things like the wind, the trees, the sky, and the grass under my feet for granted. But after spending years in captivity I've come to realize how special those little things are.

And how blessed I am to be able to see and feel them once again. My daily routine consists of me waking up, eating breakfast in akward silence with Pallando, going out into the woods, returning for lunch, returning to the woods, eating supper, sitting outside to watch the stars, and finally going to bed.

Pallando has his own routine as well, he awakes much earlier than I do and when I asked why he did he said it was to watch the sunrise. After he makes us breakfast and I go out into the woods he remains inside reading in his worn, green chair.

I find it odd for a man that is so fond of blue to have a green chair but I haven't said anything about it. Pallando goes on walks as well but never where I am, he usually takes note of his findings and records them in a small book.

I have seen him drawing on several occasions and even though I won't admit it, he is very talented at it.

From what I've seen Pallando is the kind who loves to create things. He told me that everything in his house, including the dwelling itself, was made by him.

I have seen some of the odd little things that he uses to decorate his home and I will say that they are interesting. He even made his own chess board with his own pieces, he asked me is I wanted to play once but I turned him down.

For one thing I had never played chess before, and I still didn't trust him. But as time went by I began to spend less time outside. I looked through the many books that he had stacked on his bookshelf and I was surprised to find that he had written most of them himself.

Some were informative and didn't appeal to me at all. But some of them, the ones that told stories and retold legends, truly intrigued me.

I began to enjoy them so much that I would stay up for hours after nightfall and read by candlelight. Pallando usually wrote or read at night as well with the light of his fireplace to help him see.

I began to have questions about the stories I read and I wanted to ask Pallando about them but I was held back by my mistrust of him.

Eventually I worked up the nerve to ask him and he kindly answered every question I had. Soon I began reading the books downstairs with him and I wasn't quite certain at the time, but it almost seemed like Pallando truly enjoyed my company.

I had even returned from walking in the woods to find that he had built another chair, in case I was tired of sitting on the floor all the time.

I appreciated the offer and I soon found myself trusting the old man more and more as the days went by. We began to have conversations and talk about things as if we were old friends.

One day I finally asked the question I had wanted to know since the day I awoke in this place.

"Why did you choose me?"
I ask him.
"What do you mean?"
Pallando says not looking up from the book he is writing in.
"Of all the slaves you could have chosen to save you chose me. Why?"

Pallando looks up from his work and furrows his eyebrows.
"I could see that you were truly suffering Caran. Not just on the outside, but on the inside as
well."

"I'm sure that I wasn't the only one."
"True, but think about it this way Caran; those other slaves are mortal. Eventually they will die and be freed from their torment. I know that it sounds heartless and cruel but think about you for a moment. You are an elf, immortal. You could not be freed the same way they could."

Pallando paused and twirled the quill in his hand thoughtfully.
"You would have spent an eternity in that place, serving whoever decided that they wanted an elf. Now tell me Caran, would that be the kind of fate you would want?"

My thoughts immediately go to Anna, who is probably still a slave in that place. Will that be her fate? And could I save her from it?

"No, still I would hardly call myself worth saving. After all I hate men and I want them all dead. Do I sound like the kind of being you would want to waste your mercy on?"

I meant for my tone to be sharp mainly because I am frustrated the Pallando pitied me and that was why he helped free me.
The old man sighs and sakes his head.

"You go through a lot of trouble to make yourself sound
heartless."
"What are you talking about?"
"You say that you hate all men, yet you willingly live here with one of them. I have told you many times before that you are free to leave whenever you wish and yet you choose to stay."

I open my mouth to defend myself but Pallando doesn't give me a chance.
"Not to mention the little girl you showed kindness to. Do not look so surprised Caran I heard about what had happened that day and in fact, it was that very action that drove me to help release you."

"And let us not forget that one man you showed mercy to in the arena. You could have killed him easily yet you refused to lay a finger on him. You are not a hateful person Caran, you are merely troubled and hurt by the things of the past."

I look away from Pallando and stare into the flames dancing in the fireplace.

"Do not let your grief and anger define who you are Caran."
Pallando continues.
"You are so much more than an elf bent on revenge against an entire race, not to mention the fact that most of that race is good and kind. Noble men are hard to.find these days but they are out there."

Pallando finishes his speech and returns to his writing. Meanwhile I exscuse myself to my room and go upstairs. As I sit in the dark for awhile I ponder over Pallando's words.

What sticks out the most to me is what he said after telling me that I wasn't hateful.

Do not let your grief and anger define who you are.

That was the problem though, I no longer knew who I was.

Was I still Caran? The kind elf that I had known all my life.
Or was I Amarth? The elf that brought death wherever he went?

I don't want to be this other elf, I want to go back to being me. I want things to go back to the way they were. But it was impossible for me to go back. What was done has been done and now I have to live with it.

As I wrestle with these thoughts I suddenly hear voices coming from downstairs. One of them is Pallando's but the other belongs to someone else.

Quietly I step off my bed and open the door. Cautiously I creep down the stairs as the voices grow louder. Pallando is the first the thing I see, his back is turned towards me and he's yelling in a language I have never heard before.

The second thing I see is another man, one that towers over Pallando, and is yelling right back at him. The moment that the stranger lays eyes on me all is silent.

He burns into me with an uncanny stare that makes the hair on my neck stand up. Pallando turns around too and his face is filled with despair.

I wish that I had stayed in my room.
"You never told me that you had anyone staying with you Pallando."
The stranger says without taking his eyes off me.
"It's not like you to keep secrets."

Pallando says nothing as he turns his gaze back to the stranger. His presence seems to take up the entire downstairs.

"Well? Are you going to introduce us?"
The stranger asks taking a step forward. I instantly take a step back.
Pallando sighs dejectedly.

"Right, of course. This is Canar, he is from a village two weeks north from here."
Pallando turns to me and for the first time since knowing him, I see a deep sadness, as well as fear well up in his eyes.

"Canar, this is Alatar. He is an old companion of mine."
I turn towards Alatar and our eyes lock. I want to cry out in fear as I realize something terrible about his eyes....

They are pitch black.