Amarth

Chapter 33

When I awake I'm lying under a canopy of trees. The sky is a soft redish blue and the first stars are beginning to appear.

How long have I been asleep?

I try to sit up and gasp as a searing pain shoots down my arm. I lay back down and remember that I was wounded.

I look at my shoulder and furrow my brow in confusion. Someone binded it, and that same person brought me here.

And I know exactly who it is.
"You should have left me
behind."
I say dryly as Morwen approaches me.

"I couldn't just leave you to bleed to death."
She says quietly without meeting my gaze.
"You would have been doing me a favor."

She stiffens and I continue to keep my eyes on her. Watching and waiting for what her reaction will be.

"Amarth,"
She finally looks at me,
"I have been in your position before. Wounded to where I no longer have the strength to go on, where I want to die, and be free from this cursed life. My mother is dead and my father is the monster who murdered her, I have no reason to live anymore. There is no one in this world who loves me."

I try to keep an impassive expression. I tell myself that I don't care. I fail miserably.

Carefully I push myself into a sitting position. Morwen is sitting beside me and for the first time since we've met, she doesn't back away.

"I'm just like you Amarth."
She continues tucking a strand of golden hair behind her ear.
I wish that she wouldn't, she looks nice with that one loose strand in front of her face.

"I want to feel another emotion besides hate and anger. I want to love and be loved, I want to live in a world where I don't have to spend everyday in darkness."

She looks down at her hand that lies inches from mine. That one strand of hair falls in front of her face again. When she reaches out to push it out of her way I stop her.

I grab her wrist and for a moment fear flashes in her eyes. I try to soften my grip but I can't. I don't know how to be gentle.

I can't remember how to be gentle.

"You should leave it like that."
I mumble sounding like an idiot.
Morwen looks startled as I remove my hand from around her wrist.

She looks straight at me and for a moment I can't think. Her eyes are shimmering, like stars. Everything about her is....
I can't even describe her.

What's happening to me?!

I scramble to my feet and try to run. I have to get as far away from her as possible. She's doing something to me, messing with my mind.

A soft hand grips my arm and my entire body stiffens.
"You don't have to run away Amarth."
She says softly.
I turn to face her and once again I'm lost in her eyes.

I don't know what it is about them, but whenever I look into those eyes, I start to remember something.

But what is it?

Morwen's other hand takes mine. I flinch at her touch. It's bringing something back-

No.

It can't be.

"We both call ourselves monsters Amarth."
She continues in that soft voice of hers.
"Yet the one thing that we desire the most, over everything else that this world could offer us, is to be able to love again."

She moves closer to me. For some reason I don't move away.

"We don't have to live this way anymore Amarth. We can leave our pasts behind us, heal each other."

Morwen places her hand on my chest, over my scar.

I shudder again as I gaze into her eyes. There's something in them that I have not seen in long time. I shouldn't be able to recognize it but I do.

I can't remember who it was, but I can see an elleth, looking at me the same way Morwen is now....

With love.

The elleth from my memories loves me, and the elleth in front of me, does she love me too?

It's such a foreign thought that I immediately chase the thought away. Morwen cannot possibly be in love with me. I'm a murderer, a monster, a killer.

"Morwen, you're making a mistake."
I warn her, trying to pull away.
"You can't love me."

"Don't say that."
Her voice cracks and I can see tears forming in her eyes. Why does she cry over me? I'm not worth it! Why can't she understand?!

"I know that you can be healed. You don't have to live forever without love."
I stop struggling and try to make sense of her words and actions. I can't comprehend them, it's too much!

Morwen pulls me closer. Her head barely comes up to my chin. She places one of her hands on the right side of my face and tilts it to where I'm looking down at her.

What is she doing?

She closes her eyes and presses her lips against mine.

It barely lasts a second. She pulls away almost immediately and searches my face, as if hoping for some kind of change.

But there is nothing to find. There is no change inside of me.

I felt nothing when she kissed me. I couldn't even if I had wanted too.

"I told you before Morwen."
I say pulling away from her.
"I cannot love."

I don't care as she begins to cry, just like I've always done I turn my back on her and walk away.

"I'm sorry Amarth."
I barely hear her whisper those words, but I still whip around to face her.

"What did you say?"
I demand without getting anywhere near her.

Morwen refuses to look at me and fixes her gaze on the ground.
Crashing fills my ears and I barely have time to spin around as dozens of orcs come charging out of the forest.

I'm unarmed and have nowhere to run. One orc rams into me, slamming my body down onto the ground.

My head begins to spin as I'm pounded relentlessly in the face. I can taste the coppery tang of blood on my tongue.

I want to scream as more and more orcs attack me.

"That's enough!"
Someone shouts, their voice erupting in anger.
The beating stops and I roll onto my side, spitting out the blood in my mouth.

When I see who ordered the orcs to stop I want to die.

Morwen.

Another blow to my head sends me into darkness.