Staying with my father and aunt in her basement apartment in Queens, wasn't that bad unless he was home. Like I thought, he made me switch schools. I was rooming with my cousin Kyla, which was the need for the bunk bed frame, and I went to school with her. We were in the same grade. Kyla and I were cool when we were younger, but I don't know much about her now. I kept to myself. Even at school. I came home and stayed in the room all day. I barely ate and slept. It was hard. My depression was worsening itself. To top that, my father didn't give a shit about what I did. I almost got jumped on the way home and he didn't care when I told him. What type of father does that? So this day I decided I'd test waters. I left without telling anyone. Not Aunt Nicki, not Kyla, nor my father. I disappeared for almost eight full hours on a this Saturday. This day, changed my life in ways I wish I could've avoided if I had known what I knew now.
Grabbing my cellphone and spare key to the apartment, I left at a little after two. I had about forty dollars from my aunt and my other aunt who lives out here works for public transit, got me an unlimited metrocard that was gonna expire today. So I might as well use it. Lacing up my converses I pocketed my metrocard in my sweats and tucked my phone in my hoodie pocket. Adjusting my sack that had snacks in it just in case I didn't want anything from the bodega whenever I got hungry. But, that was unlikely.
I started walking, putting my earphones in I had my playlist on shuffle. I didn't know where I wanted to go, but for sure I was going some damn where. I took a left off the street I was on, onto Linden boulevard and kept walking that street. I walked until my legs hurt. Finally resting at a bus stop. I knew that whatever bus pulled up, I'd catch it. And ride it until I felt fit to get off. The metro pulled up in a few minutes. I don't recall which one it was if it was Q44 or Q26 but, I got on and sat in the back. Surprisingly there was seats. There's never no fucking seats on the damn metro. I sat bopping hard to my music. Just relaxing. I was shocked at my damn self for getting out of the house on my own. Almost half an hour, I saw the bus approach a somewhat familiar neighborhood. So I pulled on the yellow string to stop at the sign. I hopped off the bus pulling my hood over my head walking down the sidewalk of the neighborhood. This neighborhood had trees which was peculiar for a place in Queens. Once I kept walking I approached a park. The same park I used to come to ask a kid with my Aunt Nicki when she had me. I entered the park, watching the kids play and the people my age sit under the play sets blasting tunes and talking. I just decided I'd go to the swings and start swinging. Sitting on the seat I pushed myself, and eventually got some height. Feeling myself relax a bit. I decided I'd text Mal and see if she was free.
Mal you free?
2:47PM
No boo Aaron took me to the wax museum today 😔 u wanna hang later?
2:49PM
Nah, I'm good b. Have fun on ya lil date 😏😏😏.
2:51PM
I locked my phone and kept swinging. Humming to myself. I thought about how things were going. And how I could go see my mom that day. But, she'd be be pissed if I came up there by myself. So, calling her would have to do. Pulling my phone back out, pausing my music I called my mom. It took her a bit, but she answered.
"Hello?" I said.
"Hey baby!"
"Hey, ma how're you?"
The conversation carried on about an hour or so, just catching up and getting few updates about her health. I remembered my mom didn't want to talk about her health condition like merely ever. She told me it was a reminder of the bad things. She didn't want to feel like she was fighting for her life. Like, any second she wouldn't wake up the next morning. Which is definitely a commodity I didn't wanna think about myself. So, I never pressured her to bring it up unless she spoke on it herself.
