After all the tribulations going on in my life, I'd think that everything would start to get better. I mean in a sense it did. Everyone around me's lives elevated. Jaymon and Kyla were going strong. Aaron and Mal were doing absofuckinglutely amazing. Hell, my aunt was even promoted on her job. My mom has been making progress. But, it seemed as if I was the only one who couldn't elevate. My grades, no matter how hard I had been trying to fix them I just couldn't. My brain was so stressed and depressed it was like disabling itself from comprehending academic knowledge. I stopped eating correctly again. I lost allot of weight. I went from almost a buck fifty, to a buck thirty and a little change. I felt alone. I was reverting back to the girl I'd became when Austin passed away. For my age I'd been through allot. I just didn't know how much more I could take. Especially dealing with Ramón.
A month later..
"I gotta tell you somethin'." He said as we laid in my bed.
"Yes?"
He sighed heavily before sitting up. That alarmed me to give him my full and undivided attention.
"I'm seein' my ex.." He said lowly.
"What?"
"You heard me Royce. I'm seein' Paola." He repeated.
It was almost like I couldn't comprehend it. I think I'd became so immune and numb to things, I just chose not to identify with things that hurt me or made me feel pain. But, this moment. This moment that shit hurt. I may've not've loved Ramón, but it still hurt. My feelings ran deep for Ramón. So deep. Truly, I believed that I cared for him more than I cared for almost anything. So to hear him say that, shattered my heart that was already trying to mend back together. That hurt. But, what could I say? I mean I knew we weren't together. It's not like he was cheating on me. We weren't together.
"Oh..okay.." I said.
"And, I slept wit' her like a week ago. I jus' wanted to tell you 'fore someone else did."
I could just feel my heart disintegrating.
"Why? Why're you doin' this shit to me Ramón? Don't you think I been thru allot of shit already? You just don' care 'bout me anymore huh? Like, I thought you loved me–"
"I do love you Raelynn. Thas' why I'm bein' a hunnid and tellin' you. 'Cause I love you. And I ain't no liar. I'on lie to you. I'm sorry, but you don't wanna be wit' me. And I can't force you too. I can't jus' be sittin' here bein' a sometime-y nigga. Na'mean?"
"Yeah, I'm goin' for a walk." I got up out my bed sliding on my converses.
Pocketing my metrocard and cellphone, I made my way out side the basement apartment. It wasn't that I was mad, cause I was. I could do nothing but, respect Ramón. He told me the truth. Something people haven't been doing to me for a while. Yes it hurt, I think it hurt more than him not telling me and rather for me to find out. Because whether we admit it or not, it still hurts more when it comes from the source. It always had and always will. I strolled the block listening to Girls Love Beyoncé in my earphones when I saw three SUV's parked two houses down from mine. They were loaded with shit. Like furniture. Someone was moving in. I ain't really care to be nosy and I kept walking by, trying my best to walk around them.
"Raelynn!" A feminine voice called.
I whipped my head in the direction it came from seeing a curly headed girl waving with a pair of glasses on. She looked familiar from my standpoint, but I didn't have on my glasses either. Pulling my now red velvet hair out my face I slapped my unshaven hair into a messy bun and smoothed the growing side down while I walked over to her. Once I got closer, I recognized exactly who she was.
"Yo, É'stephanie! Oh my-what you doin' here?" I hugged my childhood best friend.
"I'm movin' here. My parents got a better job here in Jamaica Queens. I thought you–"
"I do, right now my moms is in the hospital. So I'm stayin' wit' my Aunty and pops. Yo, we mos' definitely gotta catch up!" I said.
"Yeah, you still got me on Facebook?"
"Of course, of course."
"Message me! I gotta go 'cause mama is gonna start yellin' at me soon b. I'll hit you up, coo'?"
"Bet." I gave her another hug.
"And we can catch up, lots of shit to talk 'bout."
"A'ight, adíos!"
I remember how excited I was to have the girl who taught me all about Dominicans that there is to know back in the neighborhood. She moved when we went into junior high, and I haven't seen her since. She was the one to teach me Spanish and all. But, what I didn't know was how her coming back would be such a bad thing. Not for me, but for her.
