December 26th, 2012
From when I found his ex in his room, shit just got worse. He claimed they were just laying there and nothing happened. He convinced me into believing him. With as dumb and naive I was, I believed him. Ramón and I were back to normal, and everything seemed to be alright despite my boyfriend. Except today. His birthday. This day will haunt my memory forever.
"Happy birthday baby!" I smiled falsely, hugging him tight.
"Thanks baby, I can't believe I'm seventeen already." He said.
We were at his house in his bed, and I had just came over. All he said he wanted for his birthday was for us to spend it together in doors. His mom was stuck at his aunts place in Massachusetts. So I decided I'd come over ASAP. Unfortunately, I was stuck with my aunt until seven this evening, but I got myself over here. That's what counts.
"I'm glad you could come."
"Of course I wasn't gonna miss your birthday. This is a special for you." I smiled.
"A'ight, come lay wit' me."
"I can't I'll be right back."
I got up from off his bed, running into his kitchen. Taking my sake off, I fished for the chocolate cake mix and icing I'd picked up on the way here. Grabbing the other ingredients for the cake mix, I began whipping it up. Although I didn't like for Calvin, I still cared for Calv. In some sick, twisted, demented way I cared for him. I felt like he should have a good birthday regardless of my ill feelings towards him.
Almost a half hour later, the cake was made. I iced it, and put the candle numbers '17' on it that I also picked up on the way here. Using Ramón's lighter he gave me, I lit the candles and walked to his room with a knife and plate under the cake.
"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you! Happy birthday dear, Calvin. Happy birthday to you!" I sang.
"Thanks ma!" He sat up smiling.
"Make a wish."
He closed his eyes briefly and then blew his candles out. After cutting and sampling a few pieces of cake, we cuddled together watching "Vanishing on 7th Street". I couldn't help but feel so uncomfortable. I did not wanna be here. By any means. I hated the feeling of being in his arms. I hated it so much. I despised being with him so much I forced myself to go to sleep. What a stupid mistake was that.
When I had awoken, I felt delicate kisses on the map of my neck. Finger tips trailing my forearms and such. Frowning, I opened my eyes to see I was in the embrace of Calvin.
"S-stop." I said.
"Is that what you want?" He questioned as he continued his pecking.
"Y-yes. Please, s-stop." I spoke with a trembling voice.
"I know you want it."
I laid frozen as his hand trailed down my abdomen, slowly invading my sweats and boxers. I jumped pushing him.
"I said stop!" I spoke louder.
He gently grasped my wrist pulling me back to him, getting between my legs. His pelvis grinding into mine as he pecked at my neck. A since of deja vu from my childhood swam in my brain. Scared and innocent toddler Raelynn was surely taking over. I did not want this. The room began closing in as the scenery switched to my childhood home. I was now three and my cousin was on top of me.
"P-please stop." I pleaded.
"You like it."
"Stop."
"You feel that?"
"Stop!" I yelled.
"Stay still."
"Stop!" I screamed.
Everything returned back to current day of my boyfriend atop of me. Him still inappropriately touching me. I pushed him away, kicking my feet at him to get up. He threw me back down as I fought for my upper latter as he continued to try and man handle me. I promised. I remember this promise. I promised myself that if a guy ever took advantage of me again, I'd have to fight trying to stop him. And that's what I was doing. Fighting for my innocence. Eventually I caught him off guard, pushing him off me I stood up to walk out. He yanked my wrist back. That's when my right fist with all my might swung at his jaw. I hit him so hard it hurt my jaw. I hit him so hard my knuckles cracked. I hit him so hard, he almost lost balance. Heaving heavily, I made a b-line for the door. My ankled was grabbed as he yanked me again. Sitting across me he took blow after blow on my face as I tried to fight back. He'd never put his hands on me like this before and to say my brain was in a shock was an understatement. We fought like two niggas who had beef. I stood my ground and was getting the upper hand once I toppled him and kicked him in his side. I got up trying to run again, my was threw to the wall where his dress was. He held me there against the well. His forearm pressing on my airway. Hitting a particular pressure point. I tried hard to fight him back. But, I was just growing weaker and weaker. To the point little to no oxygen reached my brain. He threw me on the bed. Stripping me off my clothes. Him of his pants. He hovered over me as the tears welled in my eyes.
"W-why." I said gasping for hair.
His hands wrapped around my neck pressing the pressure point as I attempted to fight back with the rest of my strength. Before I blacked out completely.
Regaining my conscience, I felt aches and pains throughout my body as I arose. I noticed I was completely naked. Dried up blood for the most part leaked down my thighs. My hands began to tremble. Calvin was asleep. I painfully stood from the bed as it hurt my hips to stand. And searched for my pants. Anything. My vision clouded by tears. One's I promised I'd never cry again. Finding my pants, I dug into my pockets finding my phone. Seeing two missed calls from Ramón, one from Kyla and a text from Mal. Swiping over the notification, I called Ramón back. Searching for my hoodie to through on in the process of my trembling and sniffling.
"Royce, I been-what's wrong?"
"I-I need you to come get me from Calv's place. Please." I croaked quietly as I threw on my hoodie.
"I gotchu' ma, say no more."
He hung up and I didn't even search for my shoes I just managed to find my way outside his house, on the stoop. I waiting in fetal position. Not even give full minutes later did Ramón's mom's car pull up with him in the driver's seat. I stood up the best I could, getting in. Closing the door I felt his eyes on me.
"T-take me to the h-hospital please."
I would forever hate this day, and never forget it. This day, I let another person take advantage of me. I lost the fight. It's over.
I wish I was making this part up. But, I wasn't. He clearer needed help.
