A Look Inside My Mind

John Cena's Magic Wand (Harry Potter Fanfic)

~Weird HP/John Cena FanFic Ahead~

Warnings: Language

588 Words
***
The doorbell of Mr. Cena's house rang, startling the family with the loud WWE theme song of their son: John Cena.

   Mr. Cena, John Cena's dad, got up to answer the door, but before he could even touch the doorknob, a giant ass half-giant named Hagrid kicked down the door and screamed, "THERE'S A WIZARD IN THIS HOUSE, AND HIS NAME IS JOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHNNNNNNNNNNN CEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNNNAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! WE'RE GOING TO HOGWARTS, A SCHOOL FOR FACKING WIZARDRY!!!!!!!"

   John, who sat shirtless in his cutoff jean shorts, replied to the loud music and giant's yelling by saying, "Da fuq?"

   "John," Mrs. Cena said after the the music and yelling stopped, "go pack a bag because this giant sounds pretty legit."

   John ran to his room and quickly packed a bag. After he had finished packing his ladder, chair, and cut off jean shorts, he went back to where the giant was.

   "GOOD, YOU PACKED!!! LET'S GO GET YOU TO HOGWARTS TO LEARN HOW TO BE AN AWESOME ASS WIZARD!!!!"

   John walked with the giant to a wrestling joint where they walked out the back and to a brick wall thingy. He clicked a few bricks and the wall created a friggin doorway.

   They, of course, walked right on in. The giant, who John had learned to call Hagrid, took him to buy a bunch of stuff.

   Then the giant put all of John's new stuff, including his new pet Macho the Bird, a snowy white owl, in a big ass suitcase, that he apparently pulled out of his ass, and shoved John onto a red train with it as the train started moving.

   John shrugged and found a compartment where a boy with bleach blonde hair and a sweet mustache sat all alone. He threw his suitcase on the rack above him. He put his bag on the seat next to him.

   The boy, Hulk Hogan, and John hit it off. By the time they got to the school, they were best friends.

   All the people were already changed into the school uniforms, including John and Hulk, and were walking off the train.

   They got in some sweet boats that took them to the school. Once inside the first years were told that they would be sorted into a house and to not be a little b^tch about the house they got.

   Soon enough, they were being sorted. John looked at all the house tables to see where he wanted to be. All the cool people were at Gryffindor, all the evil b^tches were in the Slytherin house, the smart, stuck-up assholes were in Ravenclaw, and the stoners and druggies were at Hufflepuff.

   "We have another first year to be sorted...AND HIS NAME IS JOOOHHHHNNNNNN CEEEEEEEENNNNNNNAAAAAAAAAA!!!" the lady with the Sorting Hat screamed as John's music started playing.

   John walked to the chair as his music started dying down. He sat and placed the hat on his head.

   'Woah, it's f#cking John Cena! What house should you be? Hmm... I'm gonna say...' the weird ass talking hat said in John's head.

   "GRYFFINDOR, B^TCHES!!" the hat suddenly said out loud.

   Everyone cheered, except some of the Slytherins because some of them are assholes, as John ripped off the hat and grabbed a random folding chair that was just sitting in the corner for some reason and slammed a random Hufflepuff stoner in the head with it.

   And that's why John Cena's so f#cking awesome. The End.