To Be or Not to Be | hamilton

sixteen : john

{drug use/anxiety}

"I don't like this," John whispered as Lafayette led
him through the crowds of people.

Lafayette had taken him to a rave. "You'll be fine, mon ami. Let yourself go!" He began bouncing to the music, freeing his hair from it's trademark up-do.

"I don't like this..." All the bodies were too close to each other, the music too bright, the lights too loud. He felt like his life was a stop-motion film. His anxiety began to bubble.

"You need to see Alexander, John. He is here."

John sighed. He had done this to himself, out of need to see Alexander. Stupid.

He allowed Lafayette to lead him through the crowds of people, focusing on his breathing.

"Here he is," Lafayette said, walking to the side of the venue. "Beer?"

"N-no..." John felt uncomfortable. All of these people were high or drunk or stoned or all three. Like his father Were they going to hurt him too?! His eyes danced over each person in the room, unable to hold back his panic anymore. He sank to his knees, balling himself up in the corner.

"John! What is happenin'?"

Lafayette sank next to him, making John flinch away. "I... I..."

Lafayette shushed him, knowing better than to make physical contact. "John... you're okay. We're okay. Nobody here will hurt you." He looked up, grabbing Alexander's arm. "I have Hamilton, if you want to talk to him."

John lifted his head. Then sank back down. Alexander was clearly high, stumbling to John with a dazed smile.

"I..." John gulped for breath. "I'm going home."

John ran outside, hailing for a cab. Finally, he climbed into the cab, wiping his tears away, giving his driver the address.

When he stopped, he paid the driver and walked in with a grim look.

"Hello, Father."